Wilderness Journey

Another door closed for us this week. I apologize for the impersonal fb post, but I know a lot of you have been praying and walking with us, and I didn't want to miss anyone. We continue to journey through a wilderness time of our lives that began in June. I know enduring a wilderness time, one will either mature and learn or disintegrate. We have learned a great deal about God, our family, myself, and life in this time. I must also say I am weary and tired. I identify with Israel as they journeyed through the wilderness and wondered why God would do this. I know the feeling of desperation to hear from Him. I know the sense of silence on the other end. I know the questions which ambush the heart and mind regarding your identity, your value, your calling, your talents, your gifts.

I know the psalmist's indignant prayer to "ANSWER ME, my God!" I know how to wonder how long will He stay silent. I know how, with Job, to hold on to the integrity of my heart while coming toe to toe with my God in prayer. I also know how to trust and say, 'surely goodness will follow me all the days of my life.' I know God is good. I know he works all things for my good, and He will do so.

Thank you so much family and friends for your prayers and encouragement. They give me strength for the long haul. God is good to me! You are proof of this.

4 Things on God's distance and absence

There are moments in every honest believer's journey when God seems distant. It can be hard to sort out. Sometimes knowing with your mind God is omnipresent makes the sense of his absence all the more painful.

Those moments it feels as though your prayers bounce off the ceiling and walls only to return to you, we lose touch with the sense of God's intimate tenderness as we once knew. These are moments and periods of time when we ought to know a few things.

1. Every honest believer has known this place. Every believer has or will come to a point when God feels absent or distant at best. It is important off-the-bat to know you are not alone.

2. Do not assume you made this happen. Do not assume you have done something wrong to drive God away. While our sin does separate us from God, that is not always the reason for this distance. There are times when the experience of distance is simply part of the experience of limited beings attempting intimate connection with a limitless God.

3. God has the freedom to come and go. What kind of god would you have created who answers your every beck and call? What limited god would you have created who only comes and goes as you wish? If God appears at your beck and call, it is not likely the Biblical God you are relating to. God will not be formed in our image. He is free to come and go at His will; not yours.

4. The experience of absence is not the absence of experience What might God be doing with you in this time? St. John of the Cross wrote about this part of our journey, calling it "The Dark Night of the Soul". He says there are two "purifiers" at play during this time. One, you are learning not to depend on external things as proof of God's presence. We can move further within ourselves to know the truer senses of spiritual connection. The second purifier is stripping us of our interior dependence. We are forced to challenge what we really believe about the character of God. Is God truly good and loving? What things have I created in my own image to demand God to do in order for me to believe he is good or loving? These times of feeling absent or distant make me truly realize God does not have to fit in my limited understanding of goodness and love.

I am forced to let go of my stipulations and come to know the God whose love is a reckless raging fury I cannot form as I wish. Then, I can finally let go and trust.

To me, God is Good.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 I am more and more convinced that what we think is "good" will almost never be the same as what God thinks is good. In fact, more often than not, we will question most things as to whether they are good at all, but most of the time we use a metric for defining "good" that is based on feelings and thoughts of an eternally narrow definition. God works all things for good of those who love Him, and it will be so according to HIS purposes; not mine.

But if I truly love God, I KNOW that God will work this together for my good as He defines good. If I love God truly and with all of me, I KNOW God...IS...GOOD to me. That is not to say God is only good to those who love him, it means that those who love God know God is good; that to them, God is good.

Broken Faith

"Behold the man who would not make God his refuge; but trusted in the abundance of his riches and was strong in his evil desire. But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God forever and ever. I will give You thanks forever, because You have done it, and I will wait on Your name, for it is good in the presence of Your godly ones." - Psalm 52:7-9

If your trust in God's goodness and faithfulness wanes when times are tough, you have to wonder if your faith was ever in God in the first place. Perhaps it was in the things you have now lost.

Faith in God is not determined by our circumstances. That is faith in our circumstances; not faith in God. {Tweet that} Our circumstances can change in an instant, but God never changes.

Verse 8 begins, "But as for me..."

How would your life complete that sentence?

Goodness is behind you

One of the most familiar passages of scripture is Psalm 23; especially if you have ever been to a funeral or memorial. The last verse says, "Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life."

Have you like me always missed the most important word in that phrase; 'follow'?

One of the unchanging attributes of God is that is he is good. God is always good and he is always in control of our lives and world. But we still face difficult and painful things in life. We still have trouble. We still have hurt and horrible circumstances we go through and come through. Where is the goodness in those moments?

One of the most often quoted passages reveal that goodness in the most painful moments of life. It is just behind you. It follows you all the days of your life. God's goodness is coming. God's lovingkindness is coming. It is always behind you.

We are promised nowhere in Scripture that all things that happen in life are good. We are promised no matter what happens, goodness will follow.

In ALL things, goodness will follow. It is always behind you and it is coming.

Pain and Gods goodness

True Story: Our professor asked the class a simple question:

"What do you think of when you think of God's goodness?"

Slowly hands went up, and then a flood of hands shot up. It was story after story of hurt, pain, and suffering. Each story reflected how incredibly painful situations came and went, but there was a common thread of retrospect by which each person realized they were stronger having come through it. They each reflected on how they came away from those moments with a stronger understanding of God's goodness.

After about 30 minutes of story, I sat amazed that all these stories of pain faced and gone through were sparked by a question about what we thought of when we thought of God's goodness. We were not asked about pain, evil, hurt, or why bad things happen to good people. We were asked about God's goodness, and it sparked reflections on painful points in life.

I came away wondering if we could understand God's goodness until we have come through things like this.

How incredible is God's goodness!

When you fall

"When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand." Psalm 37:24

I love the reminder today of WHEN we fall, because we certainly will and do. For those who follow Christ, we are promised we will fall, but we will not fall too far as God holds our hand.

My two year old has been walking for a little while, but from time to time she attempts running. She can only go so far at a certain speed before she falls. I will hold her hand often while she walks and runs. She does fall, and WHEN she does, it is never too far. I have a hold of her hand.

In verse 39, the Psalmist writes, "[God] is their strength in time of trouble."

In your life, there WILL be trouble. God does not take trouble away. He is strength IN times of trouble. He will be the hand to hold you in times of trouble. He will not let you fall too far, but fall you will. Find strength only God can be and give to you in those times.

I am screwed....UNLESS

I cannot get enough of the song "Always" by Kristian Stanfill. (go here for the lyrics). Today the song played so well with my entanglement time.

Psalm 27 says, "I would have despaired UNLESS I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD. In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."

I wrote to Bryleigh (and in my journal to myself):

Always believe and trust God's goodness...no matter what happens. If you can stubbornly trust His goodness, nothing can bring you so far down.

That unwavering trust and belief will help your heart be strong and courageous. Because in everything you face you will be able to say, "It is going to be okay. I do not know when but my God WILL come through; he always does. I will just wait for Him to come through; He always does."

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb4VvNq8WEM&w=560&h=315]