Broken Faith

"Behold the man who would not make God his refuge; but trusted in the abundance of his riches and was strong in his evil desire. But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God forever and ever. I will give You thanks forever, because You have done it, and I will wait on Your name, for it is good in the presence of Your godly ones." - Psalm 52:7-9

If your trust in God's goodness and faithfulness wanes when times are tough, you have to wonder if your faith was ever in God in the first place. Perhaps it was in the things you have now lost.

Faith in God is not determined by our circumstances. That is faith in our circumstances; not faith in God. {Tweet that} Our circumstances can change in an instant, but God never changes.

Verse 8 begins, "But as for me..."

How would your life complete that sentence?

Peculiar Trust

Trust is a peculiar thing to understand and even more difficult to live out.  Trust is difficult because it requires honesty most of us are not used to.  In order for me to trust, I must be willing to be honest fully.  I must be willing to present the reality of myself.  This honesty involves everything and not just honesty about the things that are easy and pleasant. This means my emotions are included.  It means when I am angry, hurt or sad, I have to be as honest as I am when I am thrilled.  If I am willing and able to be honest with these things, I am able to really trust.  If am not able or willing to be honest with Tonya when I am angry or saddened, I do not trust my wife.  If I am only fully honest with Tonya when everything is great and thrilling while hiding away my frustration or pain, I do not trust my wife.

How then do we trust an invisible God?  How then do I learn to trust a Heavenly Father?  I suppose the question to answer that question is, "How honest am I with God?"

When I am frustrated and angry with the circumstances of life, why am I praying without the cursing and fury in order to remain reverent even in my anger?  When I am terrified and stressed  about a big life decision I need to make, why am I praying pretty "if it be thy will" prayers?  When all the world feels against me, and I am down and out, why are my prayers absent?  Why are my prayers only passionate and heart-felt when I am thanking God for something?

Why? Because I do not really trust God?

I do not trust God enough to be angry with him or my circumstances.  I do not trust God enough to bring myself bedraggled and broken and absent of piety.  I do not trust God enough to simply be honest with my worry and stress.

If I am unwilling to just be honest with my pain, anger, worry, and hurt, I do not trust God enough to be thrilled and thankful.

The [dis]ease of trust

One friend of mine asked the question, "Why is it so hard to trust God," and I spontaneously responded with... Because its risky! Trusting anything or anyone, especially God, is incredibly risky. In fact, if there is no risk then its not really trusting is it? I mean think about it; if I am not risking anything...if it were really really easy, then there would be absolutely no need to trust. Its hard to trust God because he's risky. You pay the risk that he's not real...since he IS real, you pay the risk of him not hearing you, you pay the risk of him saying "no" to any or all of your deepest questions, you pay the risk of him not feeling close, you pay the risk of his discipline (whatever that looks like), you pay the risk of him not meeting whatever expectations you may have (because he hardly ever does).....

But it is all of these risks that actually make TRUSTING possible...not easy, but utterly POSSIBLE. If you had none of these risks, you would not be able to trust God at all. The very fact that you are still pursuing is, in fact, trusting God. Trust is not feeling at ease...trust is taking the risks.