Cold prayers

When I think honestly about my prayers, I think of all the warm, deep, and intense prayers I can give in the concerns which matter the most to me. When it comes to those things, my heart is open, and all of my center is engaged.

Does that mean that God is my priority? Nope! It only means that what I am praying about matters to me.

When I make my passionate, deep, and intense prayers about things I really care about, I move right on to the next thing, and that thing does not matter as much. Suddenly, my prayer goes cold and routine. Has God changed? Of course not. Has he grown cold and routine? Clearly not!

It only means that all my passion and intensity was not because of God’s presence and closeness to me. It had nothing to do with my faith or longing for Him and Him alone. It was only about my concerns, not for God.

On God opening and closing doors

“If you only knew…” God says with the tears of Jesus in Luke 19:42 that I am held accountable for what I refuse to see or am unable to see.

Sometimes God opens a door I refuse to go through. And when God shuts a door, that door will never be opened again. There will be other doors, yes, but it serves to remind me that sometimes doors are shut that never needed to be if I had only gone through them while they were open.


“(22)For I have kept the ways of the LORD
And have not acted wickedly against my God…
(25)According to my cleanness before His eyes.” -2 Samuel 22:22,25

It is difficult to believe verse 22 without reading verse 25. David would not be blameless in our eyes. In our eyes, David is an adulterer and murderer.

In God’s mercy-tinted eyes, David is forgiven and blameless. How God sees us is all that is truly important.

Far be it from me

“No! I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing.” 2 Samuel 24:24

My worship and my very life is a sacrifice (Rom. 12) offered to God. This verse is one of my favorite reminders that we are always to bring out best to God. It ought to be a sacrifice. It ought to cost me something or it is not a sacrifice. If it cost me nothing it is too comfortable to be called worship. It is too easy to be called sacrifice.

Far be it from me to keep coming to each Sunday with worship I am not even invested in. Far be it from me to keep living a life for Christ that cost me nothing.

Loving eyes

yellow piano 2
His love is more potent than any other
because His eyes are more powerful than the rest
His eyes see through the filth and crust
they see through perversion

His eyes caught and catch glimpses
of the Divine intention hidden
in every person in every way
His first loving act is to give
new eyes

Whom have I

but you
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the LORD God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your work.
                                                – Psalm 73:25-28


“Whom have I in heaven but You?”
If I got to heaven and received all the promises of heaven, but God was not there, would I still want to go? If Jesus were not there, do I still even want it? I want to live a life now where I desire nothing but Jesus. I want god to be my only desire; not his blessings, not peace, not joy, but God alone. I want my heart to live a life by which God IS MY FULL PORTION forever; where my heart and mind fully realize that my greatest good in life is nearness to God.

I desire for God to be my greatest desire; not only His blessings, joy, peace, or provision. All those things are OF GOD, and that means peace, joy, provision, and refuge will only be found in Him.

This means that God is strength and refuge. He will only be MY refuge when i am found near and in Him.