When I think of my approach to God in my times of trouble, I am generally aware how much of my trouble I brought on myself. Sure, I am aware sometimes my troubles come upon me from other people or by effect of living in a broken system called humanity where evil things happen.
But there are more often times I have got myself into trouble and my own predicaments. There are also times when I find my heart and self venturing out too far and end up stuck in any number of troublesome situations where I am afraid, hurting, or in danger.
In those moments I resist the urge to cry out to God because I know I got myself into this trouble. I made my own choices and got myself into these traps, and dangerous painful things. I deserve this, right? So I choose not to call out to God in the trouble I brought on myself.
Then I listen to the heart of a father within myself. If my daughters had ventured too far by their own poor choices to end up in a scary or painful situation, I hope they would still cry out for me. Wouldn’t I still respond to them when they cried out to me even though they got themselves into these messes?
Wouldn’t I still hear their cries of fear, hurt, and pain, even though they are to blame for getting themselves into these moments and circumstances?
Of course I would! Because I have the heart of a father who loves his children. I will never stop hearing their cries and responding, even though they get themselves into some of these troubles.
Look Up!
The Father's smile
So much of our spirituality and religion is greatly affected by who we know God to be. A.W. Tozer said, "Nothing twists and deforms the soul more than a low or unworthy conception of God." We all have within us a gallery images of who God is, and those images dramatically affect our responses to Him. This gallery greatly affects the faith and religion we live out each day in relationship with God. The trouble is many, if not most of those images are distorted at best or entirely false at worst. This God many of us relate and respond to is not the God of scripture, and we begin to wonder why some of us live out such a grim, hard, and loveless faith each day.
It is because the God we have come to believe is distant and hard to please. God becomes a cold Father demanding your work without encouragement or love or pride in you. It is very difficult to serve that god with enthusiasm or joy. It is difficult not to chalk up other more enthusiastic brothers and sisters to fanaticism when the god you know is cold, removed, and grim. But this is not the God presented in scripture. This is the god of the Pharisees and he will always drive a Pharisaic religion and faith.
The moment I was first ambushed by the love of God is when I came to see the Father of Scripture who loves and delights in me, His son. He comes close to me in a true fellowship where I can find rest and healing. He is not hard to please.
Yes, he disciplines us, but I have come to know His delight and smile. He will correct and challenge me with the smile of a Father who is tender and proud. My Abba is proud of me and knows I am His "imperfect by promising" son. I see His delighted smile which knows I am coming to look more and more like my Abba every day.
When you fall
"When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand." Psalm 37:24
I love the reminder today of WHEN we fall, because we certainly will and do. For those who follow Christ, we are promised we will fall, but we will not fall too far as God holds our hand.
My two year old has been walking for a little while, but from time to time she attempts running. She can only go so far at a certain speed before she falls. I will hold her hand often while she walks and runs. She does fall, and WHEN she does, it is never too far. I have a hold of her hand.
In verse 39, the Psalmist writes, "[God] is their strength in time of trouble."
In your life, there WILL be trouble. God does not take trouble away. He is strength IN times of trouble. He will be the hand to hold you in times of trouble. He will not let you fall too far, but fall you will. Find strength only God can be and give to you in those times.
Prodigal approach
If we would be welcomed as the Prodigal was
we must come as the Prodigal came
- A.W. Tozer
A Free Evening's Prayer
My God, My Abba, It would appear you have given me the gift of an open and free evening. Not a moment too soon or too late! You know my heart more than I understand it myself, and I want to be close to you. Yet I continue in my sin to keep myself from you. I continue to bathe myself in the sin that repulses you even though I crave connection with you. I continue to come to you sin-soaked and guilty, and my heart has felt the disconnection and distance between us. When my sin seems to have come to its greatest head, you go and cancel everything around me in order to bring me to this place at this moment.
My God, I am certain that this moment is of you. This moment is what I have craved for a long long time. This moment will not escape me. I have needed to be near you for so long, and that moment is here. I am at the end of myself, and I need you more than I could ever say or communicate.
I am sin-soaked and broken down, my God. I am weakened and worn out. I am destroyed and depraved.
My God, My Abba, I cannot allow this moment to escape me. Please accept my repentant heart and my confessions that I may once again remember your nearness that my broken heart has not known in nearly years. May this evening be one of flooded love, mercy, and grace!
O my God, My Daddy, My Papa!
I am here to meet with you.
- St. PC of the Pallid Hearts