My God, My Abba, It would appear you have given me the gift of an open and free evening. Not a moment too soon or too late! You know my heart more than I understand it myself, and I want to be close to you. Yet I continue in my sin to keep myself from you. I continue to bathe myself in the sin that repulses you even though I crave connection with you. I continue to come to you sin-soaked and guilty, and my heart has felt the disconnection and distance between us. When my sin seems to have come to its greatest head, you go and cancel everything around me in order to bring me to this place at this moment.
My God, I am certain that this moment is of you. This moment is what I have craved for a long long time. This moment will not escape me. I have needed to be near you for so long, and that moment is here. I am at the end of myself, and I need you more than I could ever say or communicate.
I am sin-soaked and broken down, my God. I am weakened and worn out. I am destroyed and depraved.
My God, My Abba, I cannot allow this moment to escape me. Please accept my repentant heart and my confessions that I may once again remember your nearness that my broken heart has not known in nearly years. May this evening be one of flooded love, mercy, and grace!
O my God, My Daddy, My Papa!
I am here to meet with you.
- St. PC of the Pallid Hearts
