When I think of my approach to God in my times of trouble, I am generally aware how much of my trouble I brought on myself. Sure, I am aware sometimes my troubles come upon me from other people or by effect of living in a broken system called humanity where evil things happen.
But there are more often times I have got myself into trouble and my own predicaments. There are also times when I find my heart and self venturing out too far and end up stuck in any number of troublesome situations where I am afraid, hurting, or in danger.
In those moments I resist the urge to cry out to God because I know I got myself into this trouble. I made my own choices and got myself into these traps, and dangerous painful things. I deserve this, right? So I choose not to call out to God in the trouble I brought on myself.
Then I listen to the heart of a father within myself. If my daughters had ventured too far by their own poor choices to end up in a scary or painful situation, I hope they would still cry out for me. Wouldn’t I still respond to them when they cried out to me even though they got themselves into these messes?
Wouldn’t I still hear their cries of fear, hurt, and pain, even though they are to blame for getting themselves into these moments and circumstances?
Of course I would! Because I have the heart of a father who loves his children. I will never stop hearing their cries and responding, even though they get themselves into some of these troubles.
The Prodigal Father's Servants
What do you say?
Note to self: for fathers of daughters
Every dream, pretend, and imaginative story!
Every time she calls you her best friend and her prince.
When she wants to 'help' you work in the garage
or cry over nothing.
These are invitations
for which your actions cannot help but RSVP
If you continue declining the invitations they will grow less frequent and I fear you may not be invited to the real moments of her teenage years
The Music of Trinity
* Precursor: I know nothing of music theory or taken any classes for this. I am, by no means, an expert in this area.
It is my understanding that a chord is made up of three notes. Chords are based off of scale of 1-7. So a major chord is when 1,3,and 5 are played at the same time. For instance: a G Chord is made of the notes G(1),B(3), and D(5) being played at the same time.
Have I lost you? Hopefully not; you do not have to really understand what I just said, stick with me.
Have you ever had a difficult time understanding or explaining realities of the trinity? One God, three persons Father, Son, Holy Spirit; each distinct yet not a part of the whole, but each a whole
If I sat at a piano and played the note, G The sound would fill the room we sat in. The note alone could fill the entire space with its sound. That note never changes. That G is always G. Same with a B and D.
But if I play these three distinct notes at the exact same time they make one whole Chord that is beautiful and it also fills the entire space we are in with its sound while each of these three notes also fills the entire space with their sound
You can sit and think about this all day. I have...several days.
An open letter to my daughters' husbands (or any boy they bring around)
It is important for me to start off telling you how much my wife and I dislike you. I imagine my daughter has told you not to worry, 'my dad does not like any guy that comes home' and she is correct, partly. She is correct in telling you I dislike every guy who comes around, but she is very mistaken to tell you not to worry. I do not like you, but it is also important for you to know I believe in grace and mercy.
These are gifts I have received a great deal of in my life. You will, with my sincerest apology, have a much harder time receiving from me what I was so freely given. And for further perspective on this matter, know that I was given this grace from One who had far less reason to give it to me than I have for you...like eternally less! You know what I mean?
What am I saying? You ought to know what I mean, or you and I should not be having this conversation.
All this being said, there are a great number of things you are going to need to know and listen to if you are to pursue my daughter; that being the first thing: my daughter is to be pursued. She is not to be conquered or won like a little boy's game. This is going to require an enormous amount of your time and even larger amount of your energy. If this is the first I have ever heard of you, you may walk away now and begin a larger and longer pursuit.
If you have been pursuing with integrity, friendship, and honor, there are now a few other things you ought to know. It is an expectation that you will one day provide for my daughter, but listen very carefully to me...
Food, shelter, and finances does not make you a provider. You are nothing more than an assistance program.
A man is to provide far more than finances. How prepared are you to provide presence? You will need to learn and prove that you know how to be entirely present with and for my daughter. Do not assume that being in the same physical space makes you present. Do you have the capacity to be present emotionally, spiritually, and integrally? If you do not, then this conversation is over and you have some work to do.
If you need to hang around a bit and watch the way I love her mother, you are welcomed to do so. Watch and learn!
Because you must understand this; if I am ever (and this remains a large "IF") to give my daughter's hand, it will only be because I place her into hands I trust will be present in at least a fraction of the way I have strived to be for her since long before you ever came around.
Still the only MAN in Bryleigh/Haddisen's life,
PC
ps. I still dislike you
Intimacy in the Brokenness
Sometimes I strive so hard at living with the most excellent virtue, in absolute piety, in "Christian perfection" of sorts that I become more and more strained, confined and closed in. We can be so dependent upon upholding the rules and expectations we place on ourselves that we forget the relationship we were intended for. I think of the comparison between the prodigal and his brother. I think of the difference in the levels of intimacy with the father they both resemble. I find that in his brokenness and humility, the prodigal experiences far greater intimacy with the father than does his sinless, pious and self-righteous brother.
The true site of the Christian disciple is one of a man or woman who is able to praise God for all things, including his own sin, he who is not obsessed with the perfect portrayal of self and spirituality. She who is not complacent and shackled by a practical life. He who strives more for the relationship than the rules and understands that he has, is and will fail but can realize that God expects more failure from him than he ever does from himself. She who realizes we do not have to come groveling to God with a clear presentation of our sins and failures IN ORDER TO BE forgiven, but realizes the prodigal's father did not ask for an explanation, and Jesus did not ask the adulterous woman for an apology or confession. The disciple realizes that we will not be judged now or in the end for our sins because we have already been judged and found not guilty, but that God desires we show up in his embrace and accept his love.
Celebrate the prodigal too quickly
I thought some more about the prodigal today. I have read and heard that story on countless occasions. As a child who longs for grace, unconditional Agape love, I cheer, with all Christians, for the prodigal and his father. We never grow tired of hearing this parable, and we cheer with delight in our hearts at the sight of the fathers unconditional embrace and the prodigal's humility. We imagine the prodigal's poverty and leap for joy at the prodigal's humble return. We see the prodigal lag his way home and watch the Father run to his battered and poor son. We go on the Father's joyful demand to get IPA and T-bone steaks with excellent joy for the prodigal's return. We read with great joy. We cheer for the prodigal.
We live like the older brother. When the story is read and enjoyed, I walk past drunken homeless people on the streets. After the thrilling STORY is over, I get pissed off at the people around me. I weep for joy at the prodigal's return home to loving arms, and then I write a scathing status update to someone. I get all caught up in the greatest PLOT of grace and unconditional love ever uttered or written, and I have the hardest time accepting continued mistakes and life patterns in my own family members.
I work hard to be the best Christian I can be for crying out loud, and here are all these people around me who aren't even trying. Here are all those people who do not understand that I am a Christian who wants to be all I can be, and they just go on like it doesn't make a difference. I believe in a God of unconditional love and grace and I loath the congregations who don't get it right. I am the prodigal here...not them!
Right?
It is not just a parable. It is not just a fictional thriller to read and put back on the shelf until the next time. It is a story that serves as a humbling reflection of the reality we live every day. Like every parable, it is easy to associate myself with the good guy, the hero, but I can ALWAYS equally associate myself with the villian.
My heart breaks when I realize I cheer for the prodigal and live like the older brother.
When we and my daughters are in the way
I was installing floating shelves in the bathroom
the sight of daddy's tools draws my daughter
"I want to help, Dadda!"
By this, she means, "I want to see what you are doing,
and be where you are."
She began to take tools away from my work space
She picked up necessary screws and hardware
She is not helping. She was in my way. But my love would not turn her away
Jesus said, "My Father is always at work...the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do ONLY what he sees His Father doing...For the Father loves the Son and shows him all He does." (John 15:17, 19-20)
My God, I know you are at work around me all the time. While I realize I am only going to slow you down and get in your way I trust that you love me and purposely show me what you are doing. I want to join you. I want to be a part of what you are doing and be where you are.
Why my 2 year old needs makeup
I was washing dishes, and Bryleigh came into the kitchen saying, "I'm putting on make up, Dadda, to be pretty." I asked, "What?" in that way fathers do when they know exactly what they said.
"I'm still putting on make up. I'm not pretty yet, Dadda."
There are moments as a father, which are weightier than others, and you have to be present enough to catch. This is one of those moments.
I realize my daughter has dug into her mother's makeup bag because it is fun to do what mom does, but her statement struck my heart in a way I would not pass over. This was an opportunity.
"You do not need makeup to be pretty, Bryleigh. You are so pretty."
That was not hard to say nor did it take but a few moments of being present enough to seize. My 2 year old playfully saying, "I'm still putting on make up. I'm not pretty yet, Dadda" was an opportunity to be a Dad before there is an emotional belief behind that statement.
I am not against my daughter putting on make up (later), but I am vehemently against my daughter ever believing she needs makeup to be pretty.
Gone forever: challenge to pastors and ministry leaders
Upon reflecting on any regrets he had, Billy Graham said, "Every day I was absent from my family is gone forever."
While we realize physical absence certainly has an affect, I am thinking today of the realities of emotional absence. As a pastor and leader, you are expected to be on-call and at the ready at all times. You are to be fully available for everyone at all times, and we too often justify this as "the life of ministry".
Pastors, ministry leaders, those days you are absent (both physically and emotionally) are gone forever. [TWEET THAT]
Look at the ministry you have and realize that everything you do can be done or shared by someone else. Only you can be husband to your wife (or wife to your husband). Only you can be mom or dad to your kids.
I am trying to challenge myself to lose less and less days forever.