The Angry Man: another letter to my daughters and my women students

Today I read several warnings against the angry person in Proverb 29. There are frequent reminders of the wickedness of an angry person (vs 2). There is warning of the angry person's tendency toward stirring things up (22). The angry person will frequently and/or suddenly lose his temper like a fool (11) instead of having the life skill (wisdom) of holding back. He will always be quick and hasty to speak instead of thinking things out before he opens his mouth (20). The primary issue does come down to pride, and it will always bring the man (and anyone connected to him) lower and lower down (23). There is less as less humility in the angry man's life because he refuses to hear and listen to the helpful reproof given to them from people they trust to speak into their life (1,9,15). While only by God's grace, I find less of these things wrecking my heart, and I only say that with a knock on wood, I could not help but think of you as I read today. I could not help but fast forward to the days you begin dating and considering marriage.

My prayer for you today, and my hope for you, and my statement to you today is:

I can all but beg you to stay away from a man (a boy) who gets angry often OR suddenly. This is a HEART issue (Matthew 5:21-22), and he will not change.

God's grace is miraculous and can change the heart, but you cannot. The man who is angry and does not listen to the challenge of wiser people is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE if you just hold on to the benefit of a doubt and you will continually be brought into that pride, anger, and foolishness as you keep yourself around.

Understand what I am saying; they CAN change, but they WILL not change. Understand the difference between these two. If they. CAN change, leave them be until they do. Otherwise, you are caught in the storm, and it will paIn me greatly to walk with you there.

An open letter to my daughters' husbands (or any boy they bring around)

It is important for me to start off telling you how much my wife and I dislike you. I imagine my daughter has told you not to worry, 'my dad does not like any guy that comes home' and she is correct, partly. She is correct in telling you I dislike every guy who comes around, but she is very mistaken to tell you not to worry. I do not like you, but it is also important for you to know I believe in grace and mercy.

These are gifts I have received a great deal of in my life. You will, with my sincerest apology, have a much harder time receiving from me what I was so freely given. And for further perspective on this matter, know that I was given this grace from One who had far less reason to give it to me than I have for you...like eternally less! You know what I mean?

What am I saying? You ought to know what I mean, or you and I should not be having this conversation.

All this being said, there are a great number of things you are going to need to know and listen to if you are to pursue my daughter; that being the first thing: my daughter is to be pursued. She is not to be conquered or won like a little boy's game. This is going to require an enormous amount of your time and even larger amount of your energy. If this is the first I have ever heard of you, you may walk away now and begin a larger and longer pursuit.

If you have been pursuing with integrity, friendship, and honor, there are now a few other things you ought to know. It is an expectation that you will one day provide for my daughter, but listen very carefully to me...

Food, shelter, and finances does not make you a provider. You are nothing more than an assistance program.

A man is to provide far more than finances. How prepared are you to provide presence? You will need to learn and prove that you know how to be entirely present with and for my daughter. Do not assume that being in the same physical space makes you present. Do you have the capacity to be present emotionally, spiritually, and integrally? If you do not, then this conversation is over and you have some work to do.

If you need to hang around a bit and watch the way I love her mother, you are welcomed to do so. Watch and learn!

Because you must understand this; if I am ever (and this remains a large "IF") to give my daughter's hand, it will only be because I place her into hands I trust will be present in at least a fraction of the way I have strived to be for her since long before you ever came around.

Still the only MAN in Bryleigh/Haddisen's life,

PC

ps. I still dislike you

What college relationships have taught me about God

College relationships can be very ridiculous. One of my favorites is when you see a couple get really close without actually dating. Then one or both of these people involved will drop the dumbest crap I have ever heard, and it happens a lot. "I just need to wait on this relationship for a while. I need to figure some stuff out right now. I need to work on my stuff and get my stuff right before I can get into a relationship right now." Absolutely ridiculous!

I love that someone wants to put off a good relationship because they do not want to bring their crap into a relationship. Newsflash! You are going to bring your crap into a relationship no matter what you do. I do not care if you work your crap out and then get into a relationship. There will always be crap in your life, and it will always follow you into your relationship. You cannot allow your crap to affect or taint your view of your relationship.

I may be married, but Tonya and I both have crap we bring into our relationship. Does that mean our marriage is horrible? Of course not! We have a beautiful marriage that continues to show me more and more of my crap I never knew about, and yet our love grows as I trust her in the revelation and healing process of mine and her crap.

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MORE AFRAID OF TRUSTING THE OTHER PERSON THAN THEY ARE OF BRINGING CRAP INTO A RELATIONSHIP!

How great an analogy is human relationships to the connection we have with God! How familiar are those situations to the relationship I have with Christ! I am still learning not to approach God like a college relationship. I will too often look at my relationship with God and get frustrated. I often look at my lacking quiet time. I look at how uncompassionate I am to the broken among me, and then I assume my relationship with Christ must be failing because of all this crap.

I cannot keep connecting all these factors to the "success or failure" of my relationship with Christ. I cannot look at my lacking church attendance or missing a week's tithe and saying, "My relationship with God sucks!" My relationship with Christ is still in pursuit, and all those things are not indicators of a failing relationship. I will always have crap. I will always have walls. I will always mess up on my disciplines. I will always have things I am not that great at doing, but I cannot assume that all these things make my relationship with Christ horrible.

It shows that I do not really trust God's grace and love. I bring all my crap, all my inconsistencies, all my past into relationship with God and trust in his grace and his love. Yes I do have crap! Yes I am inconsistent in my discipline. Yes I need to be more compassionate, but my relationship with God is enriched by my need and desire for Him.