Peace and strength

"The Lord will give strength to his people; The Lord will bless his people with peace." Psalm 29.11

God, I am strongest when I am in your peace. I am strongest when I rest in a peace only you and your presence can give to me. Please help me know your peace. Help my heart, mind, and soul experience peace only you can give to me. I am weak, timid, and weary, but I can know strength in peace if you give to me both. I cannot give myself real peace. Only your gospel working change in me can give me peace where I would not otherwise know peace; in the places I would normally stress, freak out, give up, and fail.

Help me know peace in those moments and in those places. Change my weary and bedraggled heart to know peace. Give me peace and change me that I may know a strength I cannot attain myself.

Shining Darkness

Darkness to the intellect But sunshine to the heart                   - Frederick W. Faber

The Gift of Hardship

What is the thorn in my flesh?  I have recently discovered it to be a lot more than I have always pictured it to be.

I have always imagined it the incessant and irritating daily reminder of souls.  We often picture a glorified splinter, which reminds Paul, daily, that he is to be weak that God may bestow true power.  But there has to be much more to this thorn.

If it were only a glorified splinter, Paul would be a big baby to write in 2 Corinthians 12, "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me."  Come on, would a big splinter be worthy of such pleading?

In those times, "thorns" were used as a military device, and it was certainly much more than a splinter.  It was much more like a big stake.  They would pound these stakes (not much bigger than a thick tent stake...but sharper and more jagged) into the ground all over the place in an open area they were retreating through.  This way, when the enemy came running through that field after them, they would be slowed down.  Big stakes protruding from the ground would slow any army down.

Now re-imagine the thorn in the flesh.  It takes on a little more intensity now.  So why would Jesus want to give Paul a thorn?  Well Paul was an amazing man who's testimony has been a root for the Christian faith.  He wrote most of the New Testament.  Now with accomplishments like that, can you imagine the arrogance he is capable of?  But he wasn't arrogant.  In fact, he was incredibly humble and vulnerable in his ministry.  I think it is for this reason he was given a thorn that so tormented him.

His torment brought Paul to this kind of humility that reached millions.  This thorn made him FEEL so weak that he could only depend on God.  We know this thorn cut deep into Paul, but was never removed.  It remained to continually bring Paul to brokenness and vulnerability, but it is this brokenness which forced Paul to rely so heavily on God.  Not by our strength; but God's.

The Message calls "the thorn in the flesh" the "gift of hardship".  I think it really can be anything for us.  We do not know exactly what Paul's "thorn" actually was, but we know what it did.  I think our "thorn" could be anything, as long as it does one thing...brings us to brokenness and vulnerability before a powerful God.

I wonder what my thorn...my gift of hardship may be.  Peter Scazzero makes a list: "What might the 'gift of hardship' God has given you be?  A child with special needs?  A struggle with an addictive behavior that forces you to be vigilant every day and attend meetings regularly?  Emotional fragileness with a tendency to depression, anxiety, severe isolation, or loneliness as a single person or widow?  Scars on your soul from an abusive past?  Childhood patterns...a physical disability? Cancer?  Real temptations to anger, hate, resentments, bitterness, lust, pornography, or judgmental?"

Freedom in Failure

I met with one of my RAs, and he said, "I have felt a lot lately like I have been letting everyone down."

I asked him how it was he thought or felt like he was letting me down.  He said he just felt like he was failing at stuff.

"Maybe I shouldn't be doing this, I think!"

"Now THAT would let me down, " I said.

I continued to let my RA know he has not let me down, and the reason is because I expect him to fail.  He will make plenty of mistakes and poor choices as an RA, and I expect him to do so.  I told him that by knowing this, he will now be a better RA.

My walk with Christ soared once I realized God expected me to fail.  Why?  Because him expecting me to fail means he does NOT expect me to be perfect.  Now THAT is good news.

There is freedom in knowing God expects me to fail and loves me despite my mistakes and trips. There is freedom because now I can take more risks.  I can go after my faith without abandon or fear.  I no longer have to maintain the perfect Christian facade.  I can now dive into my faith head first.

"But you still make mistakes!"

Yes, I certainly will, and those mistakes will go challenged.  Each poor choice, mistake and failure will come with its fair share of conviction and consequence. There will be these mistakes that come along, but God expects those and loves me despite them.

Brennan Manning writes, "God expects more failure out of you than you do."

Today, I have realized how freeing that really is.  So my RA could face confrontation when it happens knowing I expect him to fail from time to time and learn from them instead of obsessively side-stepping them. He can go all out and be willing to take risks that some choices may go wrong, but that's okay.  He does not have to be perfect or the best RA ever.  I don't expect him to be.

I told him, "You won't let me down by failing.  The only way you will let me down is if you give up."

I believe God expects more failure out of us than we do.  So we don't let God down when we fail, make mistakes or ask questions.  I think we let God down when we just give up, because when we give up we aren't even willing to fail.

Where's the faith and trust and risk in that?

Missing returns

The church today is full of younger prodigal sons who are broken and beat down after retreating away.  They retreated after they realized that God and the church itself do not always meet their expectations. The church today is full of older brothers who sit and watch the broken prodigals come crawling through our doors.  They watch with indignation and disgust; realizing that they have been obedient and honorable this whole time while the prodigals live a life of sin.

The church today fatally lacks Fathers who run to the broken with joyous tears and arms.  The absent father would be a refreshing open tenderness and mercy for those in the church today.  We greatly need but equally lack fathers and mothers who rejoice at the return of a prodigal and still proud of the older brother.

There are two problems!

ONE:  I myself am a prodigal and an older brother, but rarely a father.

TWO: The church is full of prodigals and older brothers but lacks Fathers.

I am screwed....UNLESS

I cannot get enough of the song "Always" by Kristian Stanfill. (go here for the lyrics). Today the song played so well with my entanglement time.

Psalm 27 says, "I would have despaired UNLESS I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD. In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."

I wrote to Bryleigh (and in my journal to myself):

Always believe and trust God's goodness...no matter what happens. If you can stubbornly trust His goodness, nothing can bring you so far down.

That unwavering trust and belief will help your heart be strong and courageous. Because in everything you face you will be able to say, "It is going to be okay. I do not know when but my God WILL come through; he always does. I will just wait for Him to come through; He always does."

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb4VvNq8WEM&w=560&h=315]

Listen in

When was the last time someone said to you, "Let me tell you about those Christians--they are fantastic listeners!  I have never seen a group of people more interested to know my world, curious, asking questions--listening to me!"

What a great question that we all know the answer to!  We know Christians have a bad rap when it comes to the way they treat people.  But the real bad news is that, if we are honest, we know that most of the things are true.

So what will it take for us to be better lovers of people; Christians and non-Christians alike?  We have to learn how to enter into peoples' world.  We have to learn how to really listen.

I have a degree, and I had so many classes in five years that, at some point, stressed listening skills.  I don't know that I can count how many role-playing exercises I have done in classes and student leadership training.  I don't know how many times I have done these things yet still listen so poorly.

As listeners, we are taught to enter their story and never be thinking of your own agenda or reply.  To truly enter into their skin and situation we are taught these things tirelessly.  Most of the time we enter their world long enough to attempt fixing them.  Never mind loving them!

Think of the moments you wanted to be listened to most. A lot of those times were when I struggled through my faith.  I would talk to friends I respected, and I was rarely listened to.  How did I remember those times?  I read about a girl in the book I just finished, and Scazzero writes about this girl: "But she wasn't asking for advice.  She longed for me to join her and see how hard the world looks when I put on her shoes."

I can remember feeling just like this on several occasions.  I can remember wanting someone to just enter my shoes for a little bit.  I didn't want advice at that moment.  In fact, I was a religious studies major too.  I knew a lot of the answers they were giving me.  I just remember wanting to talk and for someone to come alongside me.  I wasn't looking for advice.  But I often got advice.  The reason is because we as Christians are not very good listeners.  I especially think that the further you get into leadership, the worse we can get at being good listeners.  The main reason is because the further I get in Christian leadership, the more I learn and thus the more advice I can give.

The problem with that is that our titles and furthering in ministry and leadership maturity is not an automatic maturing in other areas.  In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul makes it pretty clear that we can acquire all kinds of spiritual gifts and maturity and still be babies.

I think we have to dive into ourselves and know more and more about who we are, but we also must be willing to enter into others' skin...not to fix but to love.

That is how we love well.

Timeout

We have begun the wonderful discipline called 'timeout'in our home with our toddler. Certainly, you recognize some variant of timeout from your growing up. I certainly do. Mine (and my daughter's) took place in the corner. It is discipline which makes you stop for a second, step away from that poor choice, and 'think about what you have done'.

I do not want to see my girls keep getting hurt by their bad choices. So I discipline them for the bad choices in HOPES they will not continue to be harmed by them.

"For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines...but if you are without discipline, then you are illegitimate children and not sons/daughters...For we are disciplined for a short time as is best for us and our good. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful; but sorrowful; yet to THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN TRAINED BY IT afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Heb. 12.6, 8, 10-11)

God will let others fall under the weight of their sin, but not his children. Children without a Father are illegitimate. Children without a Heavenly Father are eternally illegitimate.

But to those who belong to God will be disciplined for our poor choices in HOPES we will not continue to be harmed by them. We are disciplined in hopes we will learn from those things which keep harming us.

Forgotten grace

The story goes there was a nun who claimed to hear from God each night. The priest, skeptical, told her to ask God to tell her all the things the priest had mentioned at his last confession.

The next time they met up he asked what God had told her. She replied, "God said, 'I forgot.'"

Hebrews 10:3 says "But in those [old] sacrifices there is a reminder of sins year by year."

All the the things we try to do for forgiveness only serve to remind us of sin God has forgotten. We cannot keep doing things to keep us locked up in shame and guilt.

In Jesus, God has forgotten all of our sin; past, present, and future.

I am soaking in the fact God has already forgotten all the sin I have not yet committed. The sins I will commit are already forgotten. (Heb. 10:17)

Grace will always be ridiculous to me.

Breaking up with your coffee shop

Coffee shops are basically relationships.

You know what it is like to go to a certain coffee shop for quite a while and find, later, another coffee shop you would like to start attending but struggle inside over the decision to change.

You know what it feels like to go BACK to that old coffee shop because you happen to be in the area.  You know the sense of disappointment you get from the barista when they ask you,

"Hey!  Where have you been?  We haven't seen you in a long time."

You know the answer...the true answer.  You know you have fallen in love with another cooler place with much better coffee, cheaper prices and better looks, but you cowardly remark, "Yeah!  I've been real busy lately."

For 6 months?  You've been "busy" for the last 6 months????

Of course not!  You know that you've found a better place to go, but you don't want to say anything there.   You don't want to face the looming sense of cheating you feel deep down.  You know where you have been the last several months, and it hasn't been "busy".

Its also kind of like running into an old girlfriend who you have long forgotten but who is still kind of into you.

You know what I'm talking about in those times you are sipping freshly roasted and brewed coffee while you enjoy fast broadband wireless Internet in your plush, plump chair...the whole time thinking:

"I'm so bad!"

Lessons of Levi

Scripture, unlike our attempts at active reflection today, shows Jesus going to Levi at Levi's tax-collecting booth.  Jesus actually went to Levi's place of sin.

Then Jesus asks Levi to follow him.  I do not recall a sinner's prayer or even a Roman's Road.  Perhaps one of Jesus' bonehead disciples had a huge wooden sign that read, "God hates tax collectors!  The kingdom of God is near.  Repent or die!"

But I do not recall that in scripture either.  Anyway!  Jesus calls Levi, and Levi follows very willingly.  Oh!  It doesn't end there.  Going to one tax collector's little booth was not enough.  Jesus goes to have some dinner with Levi and a bunch of other tax collectors.  Jesus sat and hung out with them. I read that he sits with them; eating.

This was not the guys getting together for some food and cards either.  Scripture tells us it was a large crowd of tax collectors.  Jesus went to a huge tax collectors' dinner conference to hang out with them.

Oh, and possibly the most accurate reflection of today's Christian culture in this passage happens outside the "Hyatt Regency by the Sea" were Pharisee picketers with sings and megaphones.  The signs complained, "Why DO YOU eat with tax collectors and sinners?"

Now, let's not overlook something here.  The real thing worth noting is the Pharisees are the ones who first call the tax collectors "sinners".  They are never referred to as sinners until the Pharisees come on the scene. They were quick to place a branding on these people. Jesus goes into the margins of the marginalized and sits with them; the Christian elite sit outside branding tax collectors with titles.