Ends and Means

Matthew Henry writes, "All who are chosen to happiness in the end, are chosen to holiness as the means." 

I have had this quote in my head for a couple weeks now. There is a great reminder to us in a culture obsessed with happiness. Over and over again we see people come through our doors prepared to end commitments and covenants because someone has told them, "Don't you deserve to be happy?" This very thing has lead to the breakdown of our lives, and it has lead us also to our addictiveness. 

This is the very nature of addiction. Things are addicting because they always leave you wanting more, and they destroy you all along the way. They cannot fulfill you. Whether it is sex or substances. Whether it is more stuff in our closets, driveways, or pockets. We are addicted to these things when we think the only important thing is our happiness, and we start to believe these things will make us happy. And they do…for only a moment. That is the very point of these things; to only make you feel good and happy for a short time so that you want it again. Do you have something you desire and crave more than Jesus and a connection with Jesus? Do you see how CRAZY and absolutely LUDICROUS it is for me to desire and crave anything more than I crave a loving real connection with Jesus Christ?

The Gift of Hardship

What is the thorn in my flesh?  I have recently discovered it to be a lot more than I have always pictured it to be.

I have always imagined it the incessant and irritating daily reminder of souls.  We often picture a glorified splinter, which reminds Paul, daily, that he is to be weak that God may bestow true power.  But there has to be much more to this thorn.

If it were only a glorified splinter, Paul would be a big baby to write in 2 Corinthians 12, "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me."  Come on, would a big splinter be worthy of such pleading?

In those times, "thorns" were used as a military device, and it was certainly much more than a splinter.  It was much more like a big stake.  They would pound these stakes (not much bigger than a thick tent stake...but sharper and more jagged) into the ground all over the place in an open area they were retreating through.  This way, when the enemy came running through that field after them, they would be slowed down.  Big stakes protruding from the ground would slow any army down.

Now re-imagine the thorn in the flesh.  It takes on a little more intensity now.  So why would Jesus want to give Paul a thorn?  Well Paul was an amazing man who's testimony has been a root for the Christian faith.  He wrote most of the New Testament.  Now with accomplishments like that, can you imagine the arrogance he is capable of?  But he wasn't arrogant.  In fact, he was incredibly humble and vulnerable in his ministry.  I think it is for this reason he was given a thorn that so tormented him.

His torment brought Paul to this kind of humility that reached millions.  This thorn made him FEEL so weak that he could only depend on God.  We know this thorn cut deep into Paul, but was never removed.  It remained to continually bring Paul to brokenness and vulnerability, but it is this brokenness which forced Paul to rely so heavily on God.  Not by our strength; but God's.

The Message calls "the thorn in the flesh" the "gift of hardship".  I think it really can be anything for us.  We do not know exactly what Paul's "thorn" actually was, but we know what it did.  I think our "thorn" could be anything, as long as it does one thing...brings us to brokenness and vulnerability before a powerful God.

I wonder what my thorn...my gift of hardship may be.  Peter Scazzero makes a list: "What might the 'gift of hardship' God has given you be?  A child with special needs?  A struggle with an addictive behavior that forces you to be vigilant every day and attend meetings regularly?  Emotional fragileness with a tendency to depression, anxiety, severe isolation, or loneliness as a single person or widow?  Scars on your soul from an abusive past?  Childhood patterns...a physical disability? Cancer?  Real temptations to anger, hate, resentments, bitterness, lust, pornography, or judgmental?"

Why I crave addiction

"Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied and human eyes are never satisfied." - Proverbs 27:20 This is one reason that addictions are so detrimental. We are created for intimacy with God and that requires an effort on our part. It requires that we at least work on coming closer to his heart. We have to continue to get back to our center, our greatest love, back to the knowledge of God. We have to do this on a regular basis. If we do not continue to get our center, we begin to wander. Before we know it, we "open our eyes" and find ourselves in the "distant country" like the prodigal. Now we need a dramatic and drastic return to the Father, back home. But how much less heartache and pain to stay at my home with my Father than to have wandered slowly into the distant country in need of a drastic return?

When I am a my center; when I am entangled with the heart of God, I am satisfied truly. The only moments I have felt truly satisfied are those when I am centered on God.

This is why addictions are so powerful in our lives. The world offers us addictions because of their nature. They will never satisfy. I will crave addictions for the rest of my life. Addictions feel good, but they do not satisfy. To be 'satisfied' is to say, "I am content with this. This is all I need." Addictions, by their very nature, are never satisfying. That is why they are addictions; they will always vie for my attention. I will always desire them. I will crave them forever and I will never be fulfilled. I will constantly desire the world's offers because they always feel good but never fulfill the needs I have within me.

I need relentless love. That will only be fulfilled at my Center. That will only be fulfilled by my Father God.

If I am to be fulfilled, to be satisfied, to be relentlessly loved, I have to stay home. I have to meet with God and allow him to love me.

Healing our Beliefs

The questions go on and on, but if we truly desire healing and change in our lives, we have to look at our belief system. Chance is going to require insight and changing some beliefs we have deep down about ourselves, others, and God. Our beliefs drive our attitude toward ourselves, others and God, and that attitude triggers our behaviors and actions. Someone who believes deep down that their parent is smart, funny, orderly but also believes that parent is a drunk, compulsive, and insulting is going to choose which of those beliefs will drive their own emotions and thus their own behaviors toward that parent.

Someone who believes they are not pretty, loveable, or are worthless will begin to live their lives looking for someone else who will make them feel like those things are untrue...never changing the belief, but only attempting to fix the behavior. They often end up with someone (addict) who will show an attachment to anyone who touches and gives themselves over to solving an addiction...because the original person would say that the addict "makes me feel loved, pretty and of some great worth." When in reality, neither person is being healed. The addict meets his need and the original person acts out without learning to heal the belief system; learning to change their beliefs about themselves without having someone else change their belief system. Only we can change our belief system...and in turn, change our destructive patterns and behaviors.

Someone who believes God is a tyrant who awaits his next opportunity to punish the sinner would naturally act out against the idea of God. He will never be able to accept Christ. Someone who believes God could never love me as I am; "not with the things I have done" will never be able to live the Christian life of joy. He will never be able to truly worship or pray.

Once we begin to change our belief systems, we can begin to heal and step away from the behaviors and problems that have destroyed so much of our lives.

I believe it has to start spiritually so that God may begin to walk us through our healing. Out of what is believed spiritually comes our morals, values, relationships, how I view myself, and others.

The greatest temptation

What temptation is Satan's most powerful and prevalent?  I'd say its the same one he tempted Adam and Eve with.  I'd say its the same one he tempted JESUS with.  What was the first temptation he offered Jesus?  "You will be like God."  Satan is continually tempting us to step out of our humanity to be like God. We have been given humanity.  We have bodies, we ache, and we cry real tears.  We labor to live.  We are human beings with the tangibility of humanity to live with for now.  Oh, but Satan is crafty.  His strongest and most prevalent temptation is for us to attempt an escape from these realities.

Each time I try to break through these limitations, I am succumbing to this strong temptation.  Think about the majority of our addictions and "struggles" (in case the word 'addictions' is too strong).  Are they not usually attempts to escape the realities of humanity?  Are they not our pale attempts at escaping or at least avoiding our pain, our frustrations, our...feeling....our HUMANITY?

How do we see ourselves?  Are we concerned with seeing ourselves more highly than we ought?  There are times I take myself far too seriously and find that I am not as superior as I want to be.  I am one step closer to trying to be God; trying to be superior as God is superior instead of being holy as God is holy.

Identity Theft

A warning to all people who know me: my identity has been stolen.  Be careful when you see "PC" because you need to determine who you are actually talking to. My identity has been stolen by an impostor, and the impostor is well-liked and very crafty.  He will do all that he can to make you believe he is the real PC, but not be fooled.  The impostor looks a lot like me, but he acts and reacts differently than I do.  So be on the look out for a guy who looks just like me but may act or react in any variety of the following ways.

-  has no opinions of his own; simply conforms - acts "okay" when things are not okay - lacks emotional honesty - is over-anxious to impress you when he doesn't have to - seems obsessed with getting your affirmation - will not tell you how he fells about...anything - acts better than he really is (to impress you) - speaks very little about his faults or struggles - demands to be noticed - will draw identity from achievement - avoids feeling - overly-passive - not creative (lacks creativity that I have) - intimidated

He may surface from time to time from hiding.  If you notice this man, please report him to the proper authority.  If you should come into contact with the impostor, please contact his Father (whose name is Abba) and be gentle and loving.  He is harmless to most everyone but his true self, me.

Has your identity been stolen by an imposter? What should I keep an eye out for?