reflection

DEEP: a word for the year

deep Last year, I chose a word to focus on instead of setting a list of goals or resolutions I would not have followed through on. Last year, that word was "restoration". This year, that word is "DEEP".

I learned a valuable lesson when I spoke at a small Christian college in the United States (You can thank me later for narrowing it down for you.) This lesson may well apply to most Christian colleges, universities or churches you visit. I learned never to stand before a crowd containing students, faculty, and administrators of a Christian college or university and state that you are about to “go really deep”. If you ever find yourself before a crowd matching this description, and these words are on the tip of your tongue, bite really hard. I do not mean to use an ambiguous cliché, I mean to quite literally bite your tongue. Perhaps biting it will keep the words ‘go really deep’ from exiting your tongue through the small opening that is your mouth and setting you up for a situation very reminiscent of…oooh??…the Titanic! Slow sinking at first followed by a plunge toward the end! I would say that is a pretty accurate depiction of how it felt. As I was introduced, I made my way up on stage, took the mic in hand and said "Once I get started, I am going to take us real deep real quickly. Is that okay with everyone?” This was the puncture, which started the leak in the ship that day. I talked about the masks we wear in Christian culture and how they often cover up our wounds, which can only heal with exposure.Conversations about our wounds and healing appear deep to me, but I was clearly mistaken. I later realized the problem was not fully in our definitions of ‘deep’ but in my lacking clarification. I should have clarified, “deep in what?’

Two hours had not gone by before I received comments in passing. “I thought you were going to go deep!” “You were not very easy to follow.” “You may need to work on your points a bit more…but good job though.” I received a few emails as well with their fair share of, what should I call it? Feedback? “PC, you and I both know your theology is very weak.” “How can you call yourself an expert or theologian?” (This one is particularly comical, because I would never dream of calling myself either.) “You said at the very beginning of your talk that you were going to ‘go deep’ and you never did that once.” “I checked out the college you went to and…blah, blah, blah…something bad about my Alma Matter…blah, blah.” Notice how the disconnected emails were a bit more abrasive.

PLEASE allow me to make a few things clear right away. It is fully my intention this year to expose things I have seen and done. These things may be offensive and cutting. You may expect my thoughts and writing to be irreverent and theologically shallow. I give my personal guarantee the words you read will be ‘deep’, but deep to an honest place in my heart and not into the recesses of exegesis and five detailed points.

It is promising you will read things that will make theologians sick and scholars angry. It is likely that Armenians and Calvinists alike will be gravely frustrated. I am an equal opportunity annoyance. This will be a collage of stories and reflections that have impacted my life and faith, and of these two things I consider myself an expert. I am not a professional scholar or renowned theologian, but I am an educated and trained expert on the topic of my life and faith. It is my hope you will enjoy what you read. I hope I am entertaining, witty and dessert to your brain. But most importantly I hope my exposed life and faith stirs something within you that has been left unattended or forgotten. I hope my reflections are refreshing even if at times refreshment comes cathartically. So are we clear? For the sake of my inbox, I hope so.

Sandcastles

What do I build my life on? I have read the story about the wise man and the foolish man. I realize that the wise man will build his life on God, the Rock. I have to realize, then, that the foolish man builds his life on the sand. The question is: "What is the sand?" I mean we know the Rock is God, but what is the sand upon which we should NOT build our life? Upon some reflection, the answer is simple. Anything that is not God! Everything that is not God! The sand is anything, anyone that is not God. This means even good things are sand. That means even good people are sand. If I am not building my life on THE Rock, I am building it on the sand. That means everything other than God will wash away.

Does that mean to stay away from everything and everyone? No! The question is what do you BUILD YOUR LIFE ON? The question is what is your foundation? The practical way of looking at this is: "What or who do I attach myself to?"

To heal, recover, and move forward in my life, I have to replace everything and everyone with GOD as my primary attachment. When I attach myself to anything or anyone other than God, I give them power and control...they control me...I attach...I build a foundation. I...we choose people, places, and things that will not interfere with, but will likely SUPPORT our addictive personalities and behaviors and defense mechanisms.

I have to quit attaching myself to these things and people and re-attach myself to God...to, as Ozzie Chambers would say, "be THRILLED WITH GOD", to be defined by my relationship with God. Once I do that, I can make sandcastles with all the rest instead of building myself...my foundation with them.