further, deeper, greater

When I consider the depths of who I am, I realize I cannot even fathom what is there. I am a mystery even to myself when I strive to understand the depths of the soul, spirit, and body. I read Psalm 139 about a God of light and dark. A God of mountains and ocean! Even those things I can at least see and take in, but Psalm 139 reminds us that we are further, deeper, and greater than even the mountains, light, dark, and ocean.

Psalm 139 reveals to us the depths of our spirit, but it also praises a God who knows and controls all these very depths that we cannot even reach with any entirety. Ozzie Chambers says, "The work of the Holy Spirit is in the dim regions of our personality which we cannot get at."

We are reminded by the Psalmist that God is deeper, further, greater than we can grasp, but that His Spirit truly does change and restore that core place of who we are; that place we struggle to get at. That ongoing restoration is entire and complete (1 Thess. 5:23)

The greatest disappointment is for us to assume these depths of ourselves and the work of the Holy Spirit with these depths are myth because we have no conscious experience of them. There are depths to our spirit we cannot consciously experience, but we need God to be our God, who can search and restore the depths we cannot get at.

We need the cleansing of sin at the very depths we cannot get at. We are terribly mislead when we say we are not conscious of our sin. Sure! There are depths to our darkness we are not conscious of, and God does regenerate and restore those things if would but ask.

There are depths to our light that we are not aware of either, and God will reveal the brighter parts of who we are when we would but ask.

There is depth to our greatness as men and women created in the image of God, and He will reveal and unleash those things if we would but ask.

When we think on these things of soul and spirit, we realize God truly knows us better than we know ourselves.

DEEP: a word for the year

Last year, I chose a word to focus on instead of setting a list of goals or resolutions I would not have followed through on. Last year, that word was "restoration". This year, that word is "DEEP".

I learned a valuable lesson when I spoke at a small Christian college in the United States (You can thank me later for narrowing it down for you.) This lesson may well apply to most Christian colleges, universities or churches you visit. I learned never to stand before a crowd containing students, faculty, and administrators of a Christian college or university and state that you are about to “go really deep”. If you ever find yourself before a crowd matching this description, and these words are on the tip of your tongue, bite really hard. I do not mean to use an ambiguous cliché, I mean to quite literally bite your tongue. Perhaps biting it will keep the words ‘go really deep’ from exiting your tongue through the small opening that is your mouth and setting you up for a situation very reminiscent of…oooh??…the Titanic! Slow sinking at first followed by a plunge toward the end! I would say that is a pretty accurate depiction of how it felt. As I was introduced, I made my way up on stage, took the mic in hand and said "Once I get started, I am going to take us real deep real quickly. Is that okay with everyone?” This was the puncture, which started the leak in the ship that day. I talked about the masks we wear in Christian culture and how they often cover up our wounds, which can only heal with exposure.Conversations about our wounds and healing appear deep to me, but I was clearly mistaken. I later realized the problem was not fully in our definitions of ‘deep’ but in my lacking clarification. I should have clarified, “deep in what?’

Two hours had not gone by before I received comments in passing. “I thought you were going to go deep!” “You were not very easy to follow.” “You may need to work on your points a bit more…but good job though.” I received a few emails as well with their fair share of, what should I call it? Feedback? “PC, you and I both know your theology is very weak.” “How can you call yourself an expert or theologian?” (This one is particularly comical, because I would never dream of calling myself either.) “You said at the very beginning of your talk that you were going to ‘go deep’ and you never did that once.” “I checked out the college you went to and…blah, blah, blah…something bad about my Alma Matter…blah, blah.” Notice how the disconnected emails were a bit more abrasive.

PLEASE allow me to make a few things clear right away. It is fully my intention this year to expose things I have seen and done. These things may be offensive and cutting. You may expect my thoughts and writing to be irreverent and theologically shallow. I give my personal guarantee the words you read will be ‘deep’, but deep to an honest place in my heart and not into the recesses of exegesis and five detailed points.

It is promising you will read things that will make theologians sick and scholars angry. It is likely that Armenians and Calvinists alike will be gravely frustrated. I am an equal opportunity annoyance. This will be a collage of stories and reflections that have impacted my life and faith, and of these two things I consider myself an expert. I am not a professional scholar or renowned theologian, but I am an educated and trained expert on the topic of my life and faith. It is my hope you will enjoy what you read. I hope I am entertaining, witty and dessert to your brain. But most importantly I hope my exposed life and faith stirs something within you that has been left unattended or forgotten. I hope my reflections are refreshing even if at times refreshment comes cathartically. So are we clear? For the sake of my inbox, I hope so.