Silence without [loneliness] without silence

It is possible to have silence without loneliness.  On the other hand, it also possible to have loneliness without silence.  We should desire the former of the two; silence without loneliness. The truth is we are afraid of silence.  When our minds and hearts are actually silence, something is revealed.  We are afraid of this revelation. What is revealed in silence may sometimes hurt or frighten, but this it is good and it is necessary.

In our silence, we are only accompanied by ourselves, and many of us can think of no worse company.  Why?  Because, in silence, we are not accompanied by the self we let everyone else know and see.  In the silence, we can only find company with our true self.  We are forced to spend that time with our true and whole self, and that self is without spiritual cosmetic.  This is the reason we so noisily avoid silence.

That silence and the revelation we find in that silence is the only way we will find whole peace (shalom), freedom, and life.  That path and its revelation is the only way I will ever know myself as I am.  Knowing myself as I really am is the only way I offer my honest self to anyone in love and integrity. 

How close am I to matching up the person I AM and the person people see and know?  How much of myself do I even know?  I will only find that person in the silence.

Bob Benson writes, "Pray for silence both in mind and spirit."

We often think we have to make ourselves silent so that we can hear from God.  We are taught to be quiet so you can ask things of God and hear from him, but have we ever been taught to ask for silence?  To pray for silence!

Trust'ish

I wonder how much of my trust in God, the Father  of my soul, is theoretical and verbal.  Has my trust in Abba grown strong enough to get rid of fear? Enough to banish my worry and my doubt?  Do I trust God enough to live absent of discouragement?  Have I trusted Abba enough to live more boldly and more daring? Perhaps I have not trusted Abba enough yet?

Will I ever fully trust the Father of my soul THIS much?

Does anyone have that strong of trust and obedience?

I think we are called to this sort of trust, but I fear I have not quite accomplished it.

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Father of my soul, I trust you.  Help me where I do not trust.

- St. PC of the Trust'ish

Loving God???

There is a story from the Middle Ages about a woman who had a vision.  In her vision she holds a pitcher of water in one hand and a torch in the other.  With the water she extinguished all the fires of hell.  With the torch she burned away all of the pleasures of heaven that await us.  Because of this, the only remaining factor was God alone. Sometimes it is good to remind myself why I pursue God at all.  Why do I desire God at all?  Are they selfish reasons?  Do I desire God because being closer to God will bring ME blessings?  Because it brings ME eternal life?  Because it will bring ME honor and healing?  Loving God for the sake of the transaction?

Do I begin all of my prayer with my needs, wants, and wishlists?  Is that why I come to God in prayer?

An older rabbi once said, "I don't want your paradise.  I do not want your coming world.  I want you, and you only."

It is important for me to continually challenge myself to determine why I pursue God at all.  Why do I love God at all? 

If I only loved my wife as long as she did everything I wanted her to, people would question whether I loved Tonya at all.  If I only loved her because she does all the right things I need and want, you would rightfully challenge me to be far less selfish in order to actually claim that I LOVE her.

I wonder why that would be ridiculous if I "loved" Tonya like that, but its not so outrageous that I "love" my Abba like that.

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The unsafe Christian community

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Bonhoeffer describes our Christian community with a disappointing accuracy. "He who is alone with his sin is utterly alone...The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners.  The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner.  So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship.  We dare not be sinners.  Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous."

It is difficult to read on one level, but on a greater level I read that with a sense of relief. What if our churches were communities where it was safe to be imperfect?

One might say, "It must be safe, because none of us is perfect, and the Church still exists."

Just because there are imperfect people in the Church does not mean it is safe to be and present ourselves as imperfect.

Where would this safety come from?  What would it look like?

Psalm 32 is a great presentation of the benefits and joy of confession.

Verses 3-5 read:

"When I kept silent my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, "I confess my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the guilt of my sin."

Could you imagine a community where we lived like the Lord?  What a freedom and safety!  We are all sapped by our sin and the weight of its guilt, but I long for a community where my honesty and my confession would actually find forgiveness of the guilt; where I would be surrounded and could surround others in unfailing love. (vs 10)

But I know the band!

Attending a university with an excellent music business program meant there are several friends who eventually started being people I now hear all over the radio. So I thought I would mention a few of those here. 1. Sidewalk Prophets [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8BBCYFAYRI&w=560&h=315] 2. Jon McLaughlin (and his band) [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcDdso4rzXc&w=560&h=315] 3. Tenth Avenue North (one of the guys) [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwtcwQwgdsA&w=560&h=315]

You're Welcome: Tebowing

Every once in a while you come across a website that just steals your attention right from under you. You may not even know why, but you find yourself just mindlessly clicking through because you just have to see one…more…post.

These will be things I find to share with you; things before you thank me for showing, I’ll just say, “You’re welcome!”

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Planking is so outdated. If you do not know what planking IS, you completely missed it already. There have been several phases come and gone (planking, owling, etc.). Now if are ready to "get down on one knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different"...or look at several pictures of other people doing this, then you need to get in on the newest craze sweeping the country at tebowing.com

You're welcome!

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Building 7, Apartment 7:8

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A friend lives in an apartment complex, and that is all I know.  What I want to do is find my friend and hang out, to be with him.  So I go to the front office and I ASK for my friend.  Whomever is available will give me some further information to help me find my friends so I can hang out with him.  I am told he lives in Building 7, Apartment 7-8.  So my next step is to begin a search for building 7, Apartment 7-8.  I SEEK out his building among the many.  I have to check the complex maps and layouts; I have to drive slowly to find the building numbers.  Once I come across building 7, I walk up to apartment # 7-8.  It has come to this point.  I am this close to being with my friend. Having asked and sought him out, there remains only one thing to do.  I have to KNOCK on the door, and he will answer. Having asked, I was given instruction; Having sought, I found; Having knocked, the door was opened...

I want change but not really

The majority of us can admit a need for change within ourselves.  We know the parts of our lives where change is needed and would be favorable.  For some of us, we know these things well as we continually obsess over them and dwell on them for long periods of time. A majority of us, if asked, could give a great account of the deep wounds and hurts as well as the hang-ups and struggles that plague us all the time.  We know where change is needed.  We know where healing is needed within our lives.

What great relief we would know if we could be healed!  What a wonderful instance it would be if there was a great healer and physician to heal and bring change to the areas we most need them!

Another majority of us would say, "But there is!"  There is a great physician who is capable of changing and healing those areas that darken our daily lives.  We know God calls us to him for that healing and change.

There is one great problem!  The problem is in the way we come to that healer.  The problem is in how we come to God.

We typically come to God without those things which need to be healed and changed.  We most often come to God with our spiritual selves, our spiritual words, spiritual actions, spiritual presentations.  We come with all the pretty parts and leave the ugly parts that NEED the healing and the change.

We "come to God" in our prayer (among other ways), but how do we pray?  What do we pray?  Do we come praying all of the pretty words we have learned?  Do we pray the pretty things that look very spiritual and "okay" or "fine"?

What a shame that we who know we need healing refuse to bring the parts of ourselves that need change before the master healer and physician!

Transformation and change is possible to us who need it so drastically, and we, the majority, refuse to bring those areas before God who is capable and willing to heal and transform.

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Your toolbox is not disposable

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A few years ago, I was working at a recovery ministry to the poor and addicted. My time there came with a certain amount of training, and that training was fantastic.  I was trained in several recovery programs and processes, but this training required me to engage myself with the process.  This training required me to actually look at myself, self-evaluate and wrestle with the issues which arose.  I dealt with wounds I had hidden.  I dealt with some addictive behaviors, some coping tendencies, and some past "ish".  I was trained in this fashion in order to truly walk along with the residents on their road to healing and recovery as opposed to being simply an instructor. My reflection on that time today has me realizing something; I have forgotten a lot of those things I had learned.  Sure, I could remember some of the technicalities and book answers, but I have nearly forgotten how to engage and participate in the process.  I was given some very valuable tools, and I have lost them to atrophied disuse.

It has brought me to a particular question.  Why did I receive those tools in the first place?  I may have received them simply for the job and not as much for myself in that once the job was gone, I ceased to use the tools.  It is as if I was given a toolbox of really nice tools, used them for one project and threw them away as though they were disposable.

Then it had me wondering what other sorts of tools I have lost because I discontinued their use.

The problem arises in the fact I have ceased to use the tools I was given in my life and I remain derelict in certain areas; I remain incomplete and unhealed in certain areas of my life.  There are tools I have lost, which need to be discovered and used.  There are likely other tools I have thrown away in the garbage can with the marking "apathy" upon it.

How many tools have I thrown away?  How many bits of wisdom from mentors, friends, others?  How many life-changing books, sermons, talks?

When we fail to use such valuable tools they end up being lost and perhaps thrown away.

How disappointing!  Those were some of my favorite tools!

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Favorite Poet: Propaganda [again]

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This is the first piece I had ever seen by Propaganda, and it had me hooked from the first word. I saw it at Catalyst West Coast, but this performance is from Catalyst Atlanta. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9A4-_9nuMo&w=420&h=315]

Part 1