integrity

On integrity

Am I a man of integrity? I would say I am. Some others have and will say I am not. Still others who know me will say I am. How can this be? Is it really possible that one person can and cannot be a man of integrity? Is integrity that gray? That fluid? What then is integrity?

Integrity is not a place we come to. Integrity is not an end. It is a process. If integrity were not a process, there would less judgments of mine or others’ integrity or lack thereof. Not only that, it would be nearly impossible to actually be a man of integrity if it were the end we think it should be. In effect, integrity is more about the journey than it is about the destination. Stephen Carter writes that integrity is, “an effort to live according to one’s sense of duty rather than a sinlessness reserved for a handful of saints—precious few of them.” If integrity was the destination of perfection in word and deed, the integral life would be impossible to the normal person. Now if it really is the destination rather than the journey, how can anyone possibly say I am a man of integrity. Moreover, how could ANYONE claim anyone to be a man of integrity?

But what of the journey of integrity? What of the life of integrity? The process? If we look at Carter’s explanation of integrity, we have to understand what he means by ‘according to one’s sense of duty.’ Could integrity be so fluid as to depend on each person’s individual idea of duty, of right and wrong?

Yes and no! The important question is in how we come to this ‘sense’ Carter writes about. A life of integrity is exactly that, a LIFE. There must be a journey. Integrity is not just believing whatever our imagination can concoct. This sense we are to live according to must be acquired…not just made up. A life of integrity absolutely must be a LIFE of discernment. There must be a process, an active search for discernment. We must always be searching for the sense of duty…of right and wrong we are going to live by. Integrity is fluid in that it is a process, but it is not fluid in that we can believe whatever we really want to make up. There must ALWAYS and FOREVER be wrestling. A life of integrity is never a life of contentment.

What of those who do not believe I am a man of integrity? Well there’s one of two things at hand here. Those people, one, are understanding integrity to be about the end or the destination rather than the journey, and in so believing realize I am not sinless or perfect, and thus must not be a man of integrity. Two, they may understand integrity to be a process and a journey, but my sense of duty does not match theirs and thus I am not a man of integrity to them. Are either of these correct views? No!

The problem with the second option lies in the fact these people are making integrity still about a destination. The destination may not be perfection, but the destination they demand of ME is their own sense of duty…their own sense of right and wrong. If I am not meeting that sense of right and wrong, to them I am no longer a man of integrity. Carter calls it a trap we often fall into: “the trap of assuming that all the arguments were on my side, so that anybody who disagreed was not only wrong but willfully blind to the plain truth of the matter. We have to be wary in assuming that those who are not like us cannot possess integrity.”

Integrity is not a destination but a journey. Integrity is not making up a sense of right and wrong. It is always wrestling to refine and discern a sense. Integrity is not assuming those who disagree with you are not men of integrity.

Call me a man of no integrity, but not because I do not agree with you. Call me a man of no integrity, but not because I am imperfect and sinful.

If you must call me a man of no integrity, do so only because you do not see a man who always wants to discern and refine a sense of duty, right and wrong.

But I know myself a man of integrity.

the Story of Disconnected Impact

I did not know what I was going to do when the strongest influence on my faith and growth decided he wanted to sever the tie we had to one another. For years, my life had been heavily impacted by this man and his family, but now he had made the decision to disconnect the familial tie that bound us together. When things of this sort happen in our life, we can allow the hurt of the break to make us ask and say some strange things.

"Was it ever really real?" "All those years are and were a waste."

It is important to remember in those moments that a break cannot take away an impact made.

No disappointment or failure on an important person's part can change the impact made.

It is important to honor the impact. You still have to remember, reflect on, and respect the impact made even if you can no longer honor or respect the person who made the impact.

Silence without [loneliness] without silence

It is possible to have silence without loneliness.  On the other hand, it also possible to have loneliness without silence.  We should desire the former of the two; silence without loneliness. The truth is we are afraid of silence.  When our minds and hearts are actually silence, something is revealed.  We are afraid of this revelation. What is revealed in silence may sometimes hurt or frighten, but this it is good and it is necessary.

In our silence, we are only accompanied by ourselves, and many of us can think of no worse company.  Why?  Because, in silence, we are not accompanied by the self we let everyone else know and see.  In the silence, we can only find company with our true self.  We are forced to spend that time with our true and whole self, and that self is without spiritual cosmetic.  This is the reason we so noisily avoid silence.

That silence and the revelation we find in that silence is the only way we will find whole peace (shalom), freedom, and life.  That path and its revelation is the only way I will ever know myself as I am.  Knowing myself as I really am is the only way I offer my honest self to anyone in love and integrity. 

How close am I to matching up the person I AM and the person people see and know?  How much of myself do I even know?  I will only find that person in the silence.

Bob Benson writes, "Pray for silence both in mind and spirit."

We often think we have to make ourselves silent so that we can hear from God.  We are taught to be quiet so you can ask things of God and hear from him, but have we ever been taught to ask for silence?  To pray for silence!