12 Stone Life

My friend once explained all his tattoos to our small group.  It was interesting to hear how much each of them explained something in his life at one time.  He went on to explain one of the reasons he has them. He talked about the book of Joshua when he is told by God to walk into the river and once he comes out of the other side to build a tower to remind his children and his children's children where God has brought him and what God has brought him THROUGH.  Hector (my friend) explained how his tattoos are his 12 stones.

God tells many more people to do the same thing.  It was not always 12 stone towers, but there was always a challenge and command to have something to show your kids and your kids' kids for generations down the road where God had brought you through.

For Hector, his tattoos are his 12 stones.  There have been times people notice a tattoo of his and they ask about it.  This gives him the opportunity to explain to them what each of the tattoos signify.  He is able to explain them to his daughter and one day to his grand kids.  All the tattoos have stories about where God has brought Hector.

So I began to ask myself what my 12 stones will be.  What will I leave that will show my children and my children's children where God has brought me?  Of course it hit me immediately.  My journals will be those books, my legacy, my 12 stones.  My writing will last longer than I do, which is absolutely crazy.  But nonetheless, those are my 12 stones.  I hope my kids read my journals and pass them down for generations to come.  I hope they serve as a tower of evidence of where God has brought me.  These are my 12 stones.

Peculiar Trust

Trust is a peculiar thing to understand and even more difficult to live out.  Trust is difficult because it requires honesty most of us are not used to.  In order for me to trust, I must be willing to be honest fully.  I must be willing to present the reality of myself.  This honesty involves everything and not just honesty about the things that are easy and pleasant. This means my emotions are included.  It means when I am angry, hurt or sad, I have to be as honest as I am when I am thrilled.  If I am willing and able to be honest with these things, I am able to really trust.  If am not able or willing to be honest with Tonya when I am angry or saddened, I do not trust my wife.  If I am only fully honest with Tonya when everything is great and thrilling while hiding away my frustration or pain, I do not trust my wife.

How then do we trust an invisible God?  How then do I learn to trust a Heavenly Father?  I suppose the question to answer that question is, "How honest am I with God?"

When I am frustrated and angry with the circumstances of life, why am I praying without the cursing and fury in order to remain reverent even in my anger?  When I am terrified and stressed  about a big life decision I need to make, why am I praying pretty "if it be thy will" prayers?  When all the world feels against me, and I am down and out, why are my prayers absent?  Why are my prayers only passionate and heart-felt when I am thanking God for something?

Why? Because I do not really trust God?

I do not trust God enough to be angry with him or my circumstances.  I do not trust God enough to bring myself bedraggled and broken and absent of piety.  I do not trust God enough to simply be honest with my worry and stress.

If I am unwilling to just be honest with my pain, anger, worry, and hurt, I do not trust God enough to be thrilled and thankful.

The moment when...PEACE

When we discovered we were pregnant again our world was jostled a great deal more than we imagined it would be. We knew one day we wanted another, but NOW?! That was not in our plan or expectation. We were very nervous, anxious, and fearful as to HOW that was ever going to work. Where would the finances come for this? Where would childcare come while we both have to work to support our family? Is this the best neighborhood for raising a family? Should we move to a better more expensive place? How could this work?

We came to worship together in that same way we all come to worship some days. Our minds and hearts clouded and distanced with all of life's impossibilities and troubles. It makes our worship feel faint and fake.

Once the opening chord of Forever Reign is begun, God met us in that place. We sang the words "You are peace. You are peace when my fear is crippling," and our worship became sincere and authentic in a moment's time.

God would be peace in our crippling fear. We slowly learned to trust those words in the following moments.

Months later (say about 9 or so), we were still without a name for our second daughter who would be born the next day. In a seemingly unrelated moment, we would name her Haddisen PEACE.

A couple months after she was given to us, my wife made the connection that was there all along. "How incredible that the moment we were so worried, we sang that song and now her name is PEACE!" God must have known.

Yesterday, on Father's Day, we had both of our girls dedicated. It is nothing magical or mystical. It is a symbol by which we set apart or dedicate our children to God. It is also when we are dedicated as parents. We are saying in this moment that we will raise our children to know Jesus. To say "These are Your children entrusted to us, and we will honor You in that."

We came into the worship center and stood to worship together as a family. I held Haddisen Peace in my arms and we heard God whisper his outrageous love for us in the opening chord of Forever Reign.

A Bird's Life

I might take someone up on the offer of a bird's life.  I suppose I'd take the offer of nearly any animal's life.  Who wouldn't, really?  The most prevalent reason is the lack of responsibility.  Who wouldn't want to fly around above the earth you live off of?  No bills or telemarketers!  No drama or expectations.  Only instinct!  You still get to enjoy things like fast food.  How many times have you sat outside a fast food restaurant and watched birds eat dropped fries and hamburgers? I'd be a smart bird though.  You would not find me flying around any freeways or abandoned trucks.  I'd be very careful around houses and windexed windows.  So don't worry about any of that or anything.

I'd spend a lot of my days atop things humans could never just hang out on.  I'd spend a lot of time taking advantage of my new ability to be scared of no height.  I'd also take advantage of the amazing ability to sit on an electrical wire.  I would sit there and make fun of the humans below at the outdoor Starbucks table wishing they could do what I do.

Of course I would want some liberties that birds do not actually get.  Like I want to be a sort of Disney/Pixar bird.  No!  I just want to speak English.  At least give me that.  If I am going to live like as a bird, you have to give me something.  That would make the taunting that much easier.

I cannot wait to fly south when it gets too hot or cold here...or there...or there.  Its the cheapest airfare I'll ever have.  Its not that tiring either.  Even chubby birds fly great distances.  Regardless, if I got tired I can could pull over at the next watering hole or fast food joint...like I do now.

I think I would also find some homeless man in Chicago and land on his shoulder to be his best friend...one of his only friends.  We would talk for hours upon hours every day all day.  Of course, people would think he was crazy when he told them his bird talked to him...in perfect English, but people thought he was crazy before he ever met me anyway.  Of course, there would be one time he says to someone, "Look!  I'll prove it.  Say something, PC."  Then I'd cock my head, look at him in the eye, and just squawk like a dumb bird.  Its a little joke my buddy and I would do.  Its hilarious really!  We'd both laugh, and he'd say, "My bird doesn't talk, man!  You're crazy!"  We'd both get it.

I'd be one of those birds that get caught in an airport terminal or large department store.   Except, I think I'd sneak my way into much nicer and more useful places.  I'd sneak into movie theaters and Broadway playhouses.  Free movies for the rest of my life.  I'd watch all the Broadway plays...like Cats...the irony alone of humans acting like animals would be hilarious.  I would set up in the rafters laughing like a human, and no one would ever expect the little bird to be the one causing such an interruption.

I suppose the only thing I'd have to be careful of are hunters and little junior high brats with bee bee guns.  Hey, just because I'm a bird does not mean I escape danger.  Though I would escape danger...every time.

My daugther's security

"Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge." Proverbs 14:26 My girls can know the safety and security of refuge if I fear God with my life enough to find MY confidence in God alone. My fear of God is a fountain of life for myself and my family (vs 27). 

Do my children know that I fear God? Do they feel secure by my confidence in God? Can I improve my confidence in God, and thus security for my family? What is my attitude toward God TODAY?

When less is your all

I began reading through Leviticus today in Bryleigh's Bible. All of the rules for sacrifice and offering are beginning to be laid out. There are always the typical things I remember about sacrifice and offering. It had to be without defect. It had to be offered by their own freewill. It had to be offered at the doorway since we are unworthy to enter; a reminder that we are sinners who want to be close to a perfect and pure God. That requires sacrifice and lifeblood of something without defect since we are so full of defect in our sin. 

I am thinking, though, of the progress through chapter 1. It begins with the offering of a bull, but it goes on to show if you could not afford a bull, you could continue to offer lesser and lesser animals for the same amount of atonement.

When we worship God, we must ALWAYS bring our very best. If our very best is lesser than other people, that is fine, but it must be our very best.

That being said, it is important to remember the more God does and blesses you with, the richer you are in Him. The demand for "your all" grows.

,

Medicine Man

,

A man's heart was terribly sick. He came to meet a traveling Healer who gave him a bottle of heart medicine. Not sold, but gave! The bottle is shiny and clean, but more importantly, it is rare. Without opening it, the man attaches the bottle to his jacket to wear as a medal, but it is only one. So he goes to find the Healer to ask for more bottles. Many trips later, his jacket is full of shiny bottles of heart medicine.

He thanks the Healer that he has been gifted all these bottles no one else has, especially that poor slop of a woman on the other side of town.

The woman? Oh she is another story who encountered the same Healer. She had also come to him with a sick heart, but her heart was sickened by her own poor choices and worse actions. She came in search of the Healer to work tirelessly serving Him and paying respects.

The Healer gave her the strongest bottle He had. She drank the entire bottle and found complete healing for her sick heart. Her love for the Healer was greater than anyone has ever known or heard of again.

Seeking God's will is a waste of time

There is no desire within me to seek God's will in my life. You will very rarely find me looking or asking, "What is God's will in this situation?" Even in the hardest decisions, I will rarely ever ask God for His will to be revealed to me. Seeking God's will is a waste of time!

To seek God's will is a focus on the wrong thing. It is a preoccupation with the wrong element of the equation. It all comes back to the passage which tells us:

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

"So PC, are you saying you don't seek God's will and instead you just ask God for stuff and He gives it to you...whatever you desire?"

Kind of....but not at all...

This passage tells me this:

Don't seek God's will; seek God, and His will will happen.

This passage tells me that if I quit worrying about seeking God's will and start seeking GOD in personal intimate relationship, His will will happen. This passage tells me, first, to delight myself in the Lord. SO I need to be with God and enjoy my time with him. I have to spend time at the heart of God...relating to Him intimately.

Then this passage tells me if I fulfill the first part, He will give me the desires of my heart. God will give us desire. We do not create our own desire. Our desire will not be our own...IF...we maintain the first part of the passage. If we can say we have followed the first part of delighting ourselves in the heart of relating to God intimately, God will instill desire within us. This means if we maintain intimacy with the heart of God, whatever desire we have can be followed.

Ozzie Chambers writes, "To be so much in contact with God that you never need to ask Him to show you His will, is to be nearing the final stage of your discipline in the life of FAITH. When you are rightly related to God, it is a life of freedom and liberty and delight...and all your common-sense decisions are His will for you..."

Hiding in the darkness

I would like to walk about life with the "burning in my heart" like the men on the road to Emmaus desired.  I want to walk with God and know that burning within my heart, but that very rarely feels the true case or state of my heart within me. A lot of the times I feel more like the people of Jerusalem described in Isaiah chapter 30.  Verses 19-21 tell the people of Jerusalem they will weep no more and when they do cry out to God, He will hear them.  Then he says, "Though the Lord may give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction: yet the Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher."

There are many times we feel the darkness stronger than we do the joy and peace of God's presence.  But as Brennan Manning says, "The loss became the moment of grace."

When we face the moments of darkness when God feels absent and not burning within our hearts, those are the times faith is really established.  These are the places to look for God and learn to trust in His presence even when it does not feel like he is.  God will not feel present all the time.  This is a reality most of us are aware of, but most of us fear and worry in those times instead of trusting and realizing God's presence even then. Just because it is dark does not mean that God is not present.  Just because our heart does not burn within our chest with Blessed Assurance does not mean God is actually absent.  "Though the Lord may give us the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, the Teacher will not hide himself."  Just because it is dark does not mean he is hiding.

Even though it is dark, there is "a voice BEHIND you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"  Faith happens in the dark, but it does not necessarily mean the light will be turned on.  Faith simply means while it is dark you still trust God even if he NEVER turns the light on.

My argument with Ozzie

I was hanging out with Ozzie (Oswald Chambers) yesterday, and he said to me, "No matter where God places us or what the inner desolations are, we can praise God that all is well.  That is faith being worked out in actualities."  Well, Ozzie and I debated for a little bit.  I came right back... "Ozzie, you have no idea what kind of things I've been through.  Moreover, you have no idea what sorts of things other people have gone through.  How could you say to just have faith in situations that you know nothing about?"

"PC, you're an idiot.  I wrote one of the most timeless devotionals ever written.  I have thought on these things for a long long time."

"You're side-stepping my question, Ozzie."

"Fine!  Are you prepared to let God do as He likes with [you]--prepared to be separated from conscious blessings?"

I began getting a bit frustrated with Ozzie.  I asked whether he actually wanted me to believe that God would give me times of desolation and darkness--on purpose.  He said, "Yes!" as though I were an idiot for asking.  He said, "PC, it is not that we choose it, but that God engineers our circumstances so that we are brought there.  Until we have been through that experience, our faith is bolstered up by feelings and by blessings."

Of course I did not completely understand.  "What's wrong with feelings and blessings?"

"Pay attention, PC!  I just said 'bolstered up by' feelings and blessings.  Is your faith based only on blessings and feelings?  Do you still have faith when neither of those are present?  If not, then you don't have a very solid faith at all."

"Alright Ozzie!   Let me get this straight.  You're saying that God gives me times of desolation and difficult circumstances...my God of love does this to me, and I need to be PREPARED for these things so that I can still trust that all is well even when it doesn't FEEL like it is?  I have to have faith that is not DEPENDANT on good feelings and blessings, and in fact remains if I have neither one of them?"

"YES!  That's exactly what I am saying!"

"ALRIGHT!  You don't have to yell at me."

Ozzie's always yelling at me.