Whom have I

Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the LORD God my refuge, That I may tell of all Your work.                                                 - Psalm 73:25-28

---------

"Whom have I in heaven but You?" If I got to heaven and received all the promises of heaven, but God was not there, would I still want to go? If Jesus were not there, do I still even want it? I want to live a life now where I desire nothing but Jesus. I want god to be my only desire; not his blessings, not peace, not joy, but God alone. I want my heart to live a life by which God IS MY FULL PORTION forever; where my heart and mind fully realize that my greatest good in life is nearness to God.

I desire for God to be my greatest desire; not only His blessings, joy, peace, or provision. All those things are OF GOD, and that means peace, joy, provision, and refuge will only be found in Him.

This means that God is strength and refuge. He will only be MY refuge when i am found near and in Him.

Heaven without Jesus

Jesus, I want to love you so much I desire you more than this earth. I want my heart to desire you and not simply the things you give me through the cross or the things you promise in my heavenly home. I want to know that my heart would want nothing of heaven's beauty if you were not there. I want to know that you would not need to wean me from this earth the hard way because I would happily leave any comfort this world offers me to be with you. I want my heart to be more concerned with what you are to me instead of what you did for me. I want your cross to daily be more than a utility and instead focus on the beauty of the One who died  upon it. I want to stay awake and long for your coming instead of being comfortable and sleepy where I am.

I want all these things and regret that my heart does not always often live and act the same way.

You are my greatest love, and I want to live in such a way that I do not lie.

Death and Life: when Jesus is not your comfort

The death of Stephen in Acts 7 was one with huge implications for me. Just as he is about to be violently stoned to death, the Holy Spirit allows him to see Jesus standing next to God. He finds so much comfort in seeing Jesus he is able to fall asleep as he is being stoned to death

He found a peculiar peace and comfort in knowing he would soon be near Jesus. Seeing Jesus in death is only comforting if Jesus has been savior and LORD in life. Seeing Jesus in death is only comforting and something you look forward to if Jesus is your joy and dependance in life.

So a difficult question arises in my heart today.

If I could get to heaven and receive all that heaven promises (streets of gold, no more sorrow or pain, a new body and name, etc.) but Jesus would not be there, would I still want to go there?

The honest answer in death reveals the truth of Jesus' place in my life.