What does God's help look like?

Much of the last year has taught me a number of things. One is the way God interacts  with us in the seasons of struggle, pain, and loss. Only God knows the mysteries of life and and circumstances we may never know. We like to ask a lot of "why" questions and very rarely do we get answers to those. For most circumstances, we may NEVER know or understand why.

I am learning that often, God's care for us is not physical or circumstantial; though I truly trust God is capable of impacting and changing physical circumstances. I am learning that more often than not it seems God's care for us is for the heart and soul.

Psalm 121:27 says, "My help comes from the Lord...He will keep your soul."

While God is capable of being physical and circumstantial help, much of the time, His help looks like care of your heart and soul even though the circumstances continue.

After more than a year and a half of desert I have walked, my heart and soul have been cared for. There are discouraging days, yes of course, but I am not burdened so far that I could ever doubt God's care and help. His help has been evident in that my heart and soul have stayed alive and well. In some respects, my heart has healed in many ways even though the circumstance is still the same. I still have no job doing what I know I am called to do. I still have to wrestle with the self-imposed shame of not providing financially for my family and of struggling to pay bills. I still wrestle through days of feeling stuck without real option for what is next. I still have to engage long daunting procedures with churches to gamble as to whether or not they will turn me down or I will turn them down in the end. It takes a toll on the mind, body, and emotion.

But still, I know god has helped to keep and care for my heart and soul. I have not been abandoned or forsaken. I have found healing in places I never knew were wounded. I have maintained a desire to pursue His presence and His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. I continue to love His Church and have a vision for the future of His Church. If God had not cared for my heart or been a help for my soul, I'd have lost hope months ago.

I still do not know what is next. I still do not know the "whys" behind every circumstance, but i know God has been my help, my care, my healer even though the circumstances remain.