Question God

I came across an old friend from the homeland (Muncie,IN) through Facebook. It was great to hear from this guy, how he's been doing lately, his daughter...all that stuff. It was also great to hear that, he too, had "found Jesus", but he still had a lot of questions. He mentioned that he is always looking for proof and asking questions of this whole faith thing. Questions are a part of faith. They have to be. The moment you think you have all all the answers, you have sorely mistaken yourself. Truth of the matter is that questions are essential to faith. If you do not have questions you would then make the assumption that you know it all. If you knew it all, there would be no reason for faith. There would be no reason for there to be an "all-knowing" God.

Questions are a strong driving force behind faith. Questions absolutely need to be accepted in the Christian faith. I think, further, that questions need to be celebrated in the Christian faith. For its the questions that allow us to realize something very important to Christianity: we do not know it all.

God and his ways will never make sense to me. I still cannot get past the whole concept that God can know me inside and out and love me tenderly and unconditionally. Never mind all the other dimensions of God, theology and Christianity; I still cannot figure this one out.

But that is the point! God will always be crazy to me. He will never make sense, but for that reason, I GET TO ask questions and pursue Him for the rest of my life.

Empty-hearted - PG

Over  and over, God reveals to people how they are to come to him. WHen they worship Him and bring their sacrifices, it is to be done with intensive preparation and intentionality. They were not to come to God's presence without the right preparations. In Exodus 34.20 God says "Don't show up empty-handed." Again and again there is a reminder we would not, should not, and better not come to God empty-handed. But we are often so lazy about our worship. We drag ourselves into worship on Sundays. We are empty handed and empty hearted. We have done nothing to prepare ourselves. We have not prepared our worship to be a pleasing aroma to God. Many or most Sundays we are lucky if we prepared anything at all.

Most Sundays we dray our apathetic hearts to worship and expect God to be overwhelmed by our valiant efforts put forth. "At least I showed up!"

My empty hearted worship is a joke and I am lucky I do not have to suffer the consequences the Israelites would have suffered for bringing such half-assed and empty-hearted sacrifice.

Later in Exodus 34,  Moses is so close to God he gleams bright in the face. He has to wear a vail when he leaves God's presence, but every time he comes into God's presence he removes it.

When I come to God's presence, I want to be sure I admit and remove any blockages or hindrances my heart and mind have between me and God.

I have to remove my vail every time I come to worship him. I have to grow sick and tired with half-assed, empty-handed, and empty-hearted worship.

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Won't Stop Calling My Name - EP

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Yeah, enough prodding from friends has moved me to make a 4 track spoken word EP. At this point, it is only an EP, which means I am writing and working on a full length. It also means this one does not have original music for the tracks. I am working with some other musicians to create some music tracks to back each of the tracks on the full length.

For now, I would be honored if you would like to grab the EP. You can sample it below, and you can grab it at

ragamuffinpc.bandcamp.com

[bandcamp album=1107388974 bgcol=FFFFFF linkcol=4285BB size=tall2]

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Welcome Haddisen Peace Walker

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Life has changed dramatically again! We went from being Tonya, PC, and Bryleigh to being "The Walkers". Instead of being attended by Bryleigh, I entered into the stage of life of being flanked by "the girls". On Friday, February 24, 2012 we welcomed into the world and our life, Haddisen Peace Walker. I believe that you speak life into your children's name. You speak meaning into their name and life.

"Addison" means 'son of Adam' or earth. We added the H because we love the nickname "Haddie" but do not like the names traditionally paired with it (Harriet or Henrietta). We also love that Haddisen is a unique name we have not seen elsewhere.

As a whole, Haddisen Peace is very redemptive as a name. The meaning of Haddisen draws you back to God's original and peaceful plan for His world and His people. There was perfection and true 'shalom', but of course, with generations of choice, humanity has terribly broken the orignal state God put in place.

Followers of Jesus and believers look to scripture without getting stuck in the cynicism and skepticism typical of our world's outlook. They actually believe and take God at His Word that he is making all things new (Rev. 21:5). They believe God will restore and repair what is broken. Not only WILL but IS! They believe peace (shalom) is possible.

My hope for Haddisen Peace is that she will live her life with a restoration lens through which she sees herself, God, and God's world. I hope she learns to see life not as it is, but as it ought to be.

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When bad Christians happen to good people

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"To me a Christian is either a man who lives in Christ or a phony. You Christians do not appreciate that it is on this--the almost eternal testimony that you give of God--that we judge you. You ought to radiate Christ. Your faith ought to flow out to us like a river of life. You ought to infect us with a LOVE for him. It is then that God who was impossible becomes possible for the atheist and for those of us whose faith is wavering. We cannot help being struck, upset, and confused by a Christian who is truly Christlike. And we do not forgive him when he fails to be." - an atheist woman from Paris "Many who had already come close on the way to believing are frightened away by the bad lives of evil and false Christians. How many, my brothers, do you think there are who want to become Christians but are put off by the evil ways of Christians?" - St. Augustine

"It is symptomatic that, despite the church having been around for two thousand years, the mass of people still pass Christianity by. Why? Because the visible presence of Jesus Christ is rarely present in Christians as a whole." - Brennan Manning

"Why blame the dark for being dark? It is far more helpful to ask why the light isn't as bright as it could be." - Rob Bell

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When trust is not trust

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When I discuss TRUST with a group of people, I commonly break down my definition of trust and how it requires a risk and fear. Otherwise it is not really trust. Commonly, the question then comes, "What if you choose to trust and then you are taken advantage of? What then?" The question brings up a decent point, but we can often allow this to really get in the way of our trusting someone. We have, in asking that question, defied our ability to trust. Trust cannot be dependant on its outcome. If your trust (or lack) is based on the proposed outcome, then you have not trusted at all.

Yes, it is possible to risk and trust someone, and it is possible that it will bring hurt in some cases, but IF you make your decision based on a proposed fear or outcome not to 'go', then you have not trusted.

This applies both to our human relationships as well as our relationship with God the Father. If my trust in God is based on whether or not he gives me tangible affirmation, then I have not trusted God at all. If my trust in my Father is whether or not he moves me to FEEL his presence, I do not really trust God.

TRUST BASED ON THE OUTCOME IS NOT REALLY TRUST!

If I am disheartened and frustrated when God does not write on the wall, speak through a bush or audibly speak to my ears, then I have not really trusted in the Father.

If I spend the majority of my life demanding that God prove himself to me and assure me that he exists and works in my life, then I have not yet learned what it really means to trust God...to have faith.

We all want to be trusted. "Just trust me will ya!" God is no different here. He desires to be trusted. What sort of demands have we put on that trust? We have so many ways in which we demand a certain outcome in order for us to trust in God, but that is no trust in God at all. We have to learn how to trust God even when the outcome is uncertain...otherwise, we will not have trusted at all.

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How to hope

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If I am going to continue a life of healing in Christ, I will need HOPE. Hope is often highly misunderstood. Since hope is fundamental to our healing, it would serve us well to know what it means. First of all, hope is not a concept. There is substance and definition to hope. Essentially, HOPE is projecting the positive things I am experiencing NOW into the FUTURE. This means HOPE says, "Months from now I will be better of than even now."

The problem with hope is our tendency toward the opposite. We could have the tendency if we are not healing, feeling or working through things to say to ourselves, "Months from now, I'm going to be screwed and worse off."

HOPE PROJECTS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF BEING INTO YOUR FUTURE.

That being said, there ARE a couple things required of us to live a life of hope. To live a life of hope requires a positive current state to project into the future. This means that our current state needs to change.

There must be a CHANGE in our lives in order for us to begin a life of healing and hope. This change, though, requires a RISK be taken. Am I going to be willing to take risks for the cost of healing? If I want to know a life of healing; a life of hope, I have to be willing to take some risks so that change may come. If I stay COMFORTABLE in my current state (the one without healing) I will project THAT state into my future, and I will be the same or worse months from now.

On the other hand, if I look at my current state and get bold enough to take a risk and change it, I will begin to see healing and change. Then my current state changes and I can project it into my future...THIS is hope.

"but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, HOPE. And HOPE does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." - Romans 5:3-5

Throw away story [poem]

he nearly threw away his lifethe book about the pacific war a gift from grandma but more than a book

the note attached to the back beckoned not to throw it out

as you read this book you will see your grandfather throughout this is not garbage it is a barrage of you and your story

this poem is this reality

do not throw it out pay attention to the things around you

your story is being written this is all your story

you can learn a bit about yourself

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My Mexicali Testimony

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My first trip to Mexicali was the year Mrs. Ochoa died. I never met her. I never saw her. I had only heard her story in everyone's fractured pieces.

I had heard she was an incredible woman. I hard she loved people. I heard was a very humble but strong leader. I heard she was a prayer warrior type. I heard heard she had passion to love hungry children. I heard she had diabetes and had died from it.

I froze since I also have Type 1 Diabetes.

Mrs. Ochoa had lost legs before eventually passing away and all due to complications with diabetes.

I thought back to when I was diagnosed and my doctor said, "This disease is absolutely manageable. You can live a long life if you take care and manage it well."

The immediate realization was this was something Mrs. Ochoa and everyone else there do not have to the opportunity for. Immediately, I was faced with something I have and continue to take for granted.

WE complain about our medical care. We complain about the pricing of it. We complain about its craziness. We complain about its confusion. We have been given literal life-saving resources and  we complain about how much it costs.

A few days ago I was reading in Proverbs 3:27-28, "Do not withold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it. When you have it with you."

When you consider what you have that many do NOT have, we must be mindful and act. It is in our power to do SOMETHING...always. You are in a position to have with you so much more than most of the world has.

That was a lesson I had to learn in Mexicali. I keep going back to gain this perspective and reminder. You learn to live your life differently when you are faced with how much you really do have.