I found this old journal entry, and identified with it a lot today: I am at a point right now where I feel like the 12 spies in Numbers chapter 13 and 14. I am looking ahead at possibilities and new places of ministry and living. I am determining what response I will have as I look ahead into those lands of possibility.

Like all of the spies together, I look ahead and I can see the good things. I can see the milk and honey; I can see the fruit in the land of future opportunity. I can see myself in these positions and opportunities with my enlivened passions and gifts. I can see the fruits.

BUT...

Also like the spies, I can see the parts I would not be strong in. I can see the giants and the possible defeat. I can see the areas I would not excel in, and I begin to wonder whether or not I would really be destined for this land of opportunity.

So I arrive at an inner-decision. I am one of the 12 spies at this point, but the question becomes which will I be?

Will I sit and sulk and say, "I don't know about this; I am not strong in this area or that." Will I stay back and say, "If I go after this, my weaknesses will get the best of me."

OR...

Will I be Caleb or Joshua the spy and say, "This land of opportunity is exceedingly good. If God is pleased with me he will lead me along and give to me what I need. Do not be afraid of the giants of your weaknesses because with God, I will swallow them up."

Will I know, then, the blessing of God onto Caleb?

"But because my servant has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to."

Will I be confident or cowardly!

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* This was written not long before I came to First Covenant