God is the source of good as
the sun is the source of light
Like I cannot blame the sun for shadows for clouds I cannot blame God for evil for pain
There will be clouds and shadows to block the light There will be pain and evil to block the good
But the source is permanent
#James1:17-18
"Guilt is an idol." -Bonhoeffer
Self-rejection and hatred are far too present in Christians. It was never intended to be this way. Too often we project our own self-hatred onto God, and it does not match up. Too often we assume God feels the same way about us that we fee about ourselves. This is impossible, of course, unless we are able to love ourselves relentlessly.
We have to destroy the idol of guilt and begin to accept ourselves as we really are. We are all wounded people and need to learn to accept that.
We, instead, either lacerate ourselves with guilt and shame, or hide our wounds with pretty faces and admirable manufactured presentations of ourselves. We hide behind those masks and never allow ourselves to be known as we are. Sadly, I often hide for so long behind some masks, I believe them; I forget who I really am.
Guilt remains an idol because my unwillingness to reveal myself as I am is an unwillingness to accept myself. That unwillingness to accept myself is my unwillingness to accept that God truly is a loving God.
How willing am I to be wounded; to accept that I am wounded? How willing am I to realize and accept that I am wounded without being immobilized by guilt?
How long will I worship the idol of guilt?
There are certain songs you cannot contain with silent listening. They are the songs that make you check your car with paranoia (even though you KNOW you're the only one there.) They are the songs which are wrecking your steering wheel with repetitious beatings. These are not your "favorite" songs of all time. They are simply the ones which you cannot help but sing aloud.
Mine (in no specific order) are:
Show Me A Little Shame - Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals Another Horsedreamer's Blues - Counting Crows Ashes and Flames - John Mark McMillan Baby's Got Sauce - G.Love and Special Sauce Closer - John Mark McMillan Any Way You Want It - Journey In A Sweater Poorly Knit - Mewithoutyou The Cave - Mumford & Sons Secret of the Easy Yoke - Pedro the Lion Rise from the Ashes - Quietdrive Piano Man - Billy Joel Shine Your Light On Us - Robbie Seay Band Be Near - Shane & Shane All The Same - Sick Puppies Make This Go On Forever - Snow Patrol Gold and Silver - Stavesacre Freefall - Stavesacre Times - Tenth Avenue North
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What songs MUST you sing out loud?
I am certain most have seen this before, but I revisited it last night with tears in my eyes (I was laughing so hard.) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auY6Uv7hLSA&w=480&h=390]
Poetry got me married. I was a member of Novus Dux. We were a group of guys dedicated to service and various other things.
There were a lot of things we did together with our sisters in L’Amifidel. The connection between Novus Dux and L’Amifidel was pretty strong. As a result, we would periodically have days set aside dedicated to serving the L’Ami girls. We asked all the girls to wear their T-shirts as we didn’t know ALL of them.
The goal throughout the day, whenever you saw a L’Ami girl, was to serve them in that moment. Most of the guys resorted to the easy way out by opening doors or taking up their bright orange lunch tray. I chose a more interesting path…more creative…more...tenacious?
I went to the library to check out a few books of sonnets and various other poetry and went out to The Valley. I sat in a patch of grass with books at hand, and at first glance of a L’Ami T-shirt, even if it were the length of the valley, I would recite poetry from the books in my most dramatic fashion.
At one point, I looked up and saw a stunning blond girl walking toward me in a blue T-shirt with the yellow letters ‘Alpha Episilon Pi’. I saw her from a distance, and I flipped quickly to “a good one”, and knelt down. I screamed as loudly and dramatically as I could. I didn’t even know her name. She gave a wry smile and eventually a hearty laugh at my idiocy that was both ridiculous AND charming.
Years later, that stunning blond would be my best friend through our 5th year of college when we started a dating relationship for a year before getting engaged to be married.
We are frequently asked the common question, “Where did you meet?” It wasn’t on a road trip with friends. It wasn’t a shared mailbox. It wasn’t a magical Freshman Hike moment.
She would be sure to let you know it was on a day when he read me poetry loudly and inanely in The Valley at Anderson University. Poetry got me married!
* this is a snippet from a piece I wrote for our alumni association at AU. So it does assume a reader who knows AU
those who still search their iphone with their index finger, guys wearing uggs, church-goers using terms like 'touch' 'birthing' and 'skin on Jesus', people who hold their cell phone on speaker phone in the car (this is not "hands-free"), people who put apple stickers on their PC, those who order an extra wet cappuccino (this is called a latte), those who ask strangers to watch their stuff while they run to a coffee shop bathroom (what am I gonna do about it), whoever keeps buying Nickelback albums...
#becauseweloveyou #doesnthavetobelikethis #imafriend
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Who else needs an intervention?
"Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation--since they will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business." -James 1:9-11
Remember the tone of this entire chapter is in light of suffering, and the idea presented here is one of roots.
Suffering and trials and troubles, like the sun, are potentially dangerous and destructive, but they have equal potential for light and growth.
Our suffering and our trials have the potential to create destruction in our lives, but they also have the potential to help us grow and refine the person we are.
Like plants under the sun, the issue at hand is how deep the root runs, so is our suffering. If our root is shallow and dependant on our riches or other things, we will wilt away under the scorching heat of suffering.
But if our root runs deep into the richer soils of humility, family, and Christ, the suns of suffering will come, but we will find beauty and growth from the Light.
You are the best choices I plucked
from all the bad ones
A podcast told me to take the time to sit down with friends and tell them what they mean to me. Immediately, I was inspired to do so. I wanted to sit down with good friends. I wanted to let people know what they mean to me, because no, we do not do that enough.
My next thought was to determine who I would sit down with. I did not get far on that list. By 'not far' I mean 'nowhere'. I knew with immediate certainty I must begin with the one person closest to me.
Not often enough do I tell my wife what she means to me. Not often enough do I make her aware that she means the very most to me. Not since college have I written a poem for the love of my life.
No one else may know what they mean to me until my wife is certain of what she means to me.
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What does it mean to mean something to someone
Not many remember your meaningful words Not many remember your meaningful actions
Not many forget how you make them feel
What you mean to someone is the glossy bottle of feeling you leave them with
You make me feel I am better than my worst mistakes
You make me feel gratuitous grace can be torrential
I mean to make you feel a fraction of these
A cluster of my students keep blogs where they share various reflections and expressions. The old adage goes that teachers often learn more from their students. This is certainly the case for me. More often than not, I feel like I'm just riding in their wake. You should check out the blogs of my students and learn something.
* these are listed in order of post frequency
SARAH S
creative.inspiring.inquisitory
LORI
infectious.creative.fragrant
SARAH K
ASL.deliberate.picturesque
GENEVIEVE
haunting.overt.unpolished
TINA
conscious.downright.grace-ridden
SARAH K visible.unguarded.endearing
SHELLI
incremental.touring.debrief
Vocational ministry gives me unconventional days of the week off. Mondays are my day off at this point, and the life-explosion of fatherhood transfers "days off" to "daddy days". Not to rub it in for my midwestern friends and family, but the weather has been gorgeous the last few weeks. I have been making certain these days are very intentional, and that has meant taking walks with my daughter.
Though she is only 5 months old, these moments are free, and I would pay money for them if I had to. Some part of me thinks these moments are what will keep me off Dr. Phil's 'Horrible Dads' episode 16 years from now.
