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4 Encouragements for Discouraged Leaders

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A few days ago I spoke with my old intern about leadership and ministry. One of the things I told him, as he is on the forefront of full-time professional ministry, is to not only recognize the small encouraging moments, but to save them and hold on to them. They do not come your way very often.

As a leader of people, you are almost never going to get encouragement or praise from those you lead. In fact, you will always hear the things people are angry or frustrated with you over.

Here are 4 things I have learned (or am learning) to keep in mind as you navigate the discouraging weight of leadership:

1. The minority is louder than the majority Resist the strong temptation to believe the opinion of that person who dislikes what you are doing and who you are is the opinion of everyone. Remember that most people are never going to tell you that they love what you are doing, but the few who do not like what you are doing will almost ALWAYS tell you. Remember that THIS person does not like what is happening, but everyone else is good with you. IF there is not all-out anarchy, start assuming most people are on-board.

2. Save the good stuff somewhere A good ministry friend of mine once posted about a special box he has where he saves any encouraging letter, note, or comment he gets. Have a place to save those little things for a couple reasons. First, you do not get them very often. Second, those days when you are getting very discouraged and wondering if anything you are doing is making a difference or even working, pull out that box and read through those reflections from real people you are leading and caring for.

3. Surround yourself well I try (though right now not completely) to surround myself with a few different types of people, because otherwise, I will suffocate in ministry and leadership. First, I need to have friends who are not involved in my or any ministry. I need people don't know Pastor PC. They know relaxed, laughs a lot, homebrews, watches SNL and SYTYCD, drinks beer and wine, wears shorts sometimes, watches A LOT of college football PC. Second, I need friends in my specific ministry area. I meet once a month with nearly ALL of the college and young adult pastors and ministry directors in the Sacramento area. It is important for me to chat and sometimes vent with people who know exactly what I am talking about or up against in my area of leadership. It is more than networking; it is a monthly injection of keep-at-it. Lastly, I need wise people. I need someone who has been engaged in ministry for longer and at a different level than I have. I need them to challenge my attitude, my growth, and my actual actions. We all need a mentor, a counselor, a discipler (this is where I STILL lack right now as my mentor moved to another state).

4. Your obligation remains (remember your why) I was reading in Numbers 16 an incredible story about a large group of people complaining about their leader (Moses). Just read the chapter; a CRAZY story! In reflection, I read this by Matthew Henry: "If others fail in their duty to us, that does not take away the obligation we are under to seek their welfare." Do not forget WHY you do what you do. Do not forget WHY you started doing this in the first place. That obligation, that passion, that heart still remains; its just been knocked around a bit.

A pastor of mine once said, "Ministry would be great if it weren't for all the people." Leadership is always going to be difficult and messy, because we are working with PEOPLE. But be encouraged! You are doing a great job. Let me be one to tell you!

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Listen in

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When was the last time someone said to you, "Let me tell you about those Christians--they are fantastic listeners!  I have never seen a group of people more interested to know my world, curious, asking questions--listening to me!"

What a great question that we all know the answer to!  We know Christians have a bad rap when it comes to the way they treat people.  But the real bad news is that, if we are honest, we know that most of the things are true.

So what will it take for us to be better lovers of people; Christians and non-Christians alike?  We have to learn how to enter into peoples' world.  We have to learn how to really listen.

I have a degree, and I had so many classes in five years that, at some point, stressed listening skills.  I don't know that I can count how many role-playing exercises I have done in classes and student leadership training.  I don't know how many times I have done these things yet still listen so poorly.

As listeners, we are taught to enter their story and never be thinking of your own agenda or reply.  To truly enter into their skin and situation we are taught these things tirelessly.  Most of the time we enter their world long enough to attempt fixing them.  Never mind loving them!

Think of the moments you wanted to be listened to most. A lot of those times were when I struggled through my faith.  I would talk to friends I respected, and I was rarely listened to.  How did I remember those times?  I read about a girl in the book I just finished, and Scazzero writes about this girl: "But she wasn't asking for advice.  She longed for me to join her and see how hard the world looks when I put on her shoes."

I can remember feeling just like this on several occasions.  I can remember wanting someone to just enter my shoes for a little bit.  I didn't want advice at that moment.  In fact, I was a religious studies major too.  I knew a lot of the answers they were giving me.  I just remember wanting to talk and for someone to come alongside me.  I wasn't looking for advice.  But I often got advice.  The reason is because we as Christians are not very good listeners.  I especially think that the further you get into leadership, the worse we can get at being good listeners.  The main reason is because the further I get in Christian leadership, the more I learn and thus the more advice I can give.

The problem with that is that our titles and furthering in ministry and leadership maturity is not an automatic maturing in other areas.  In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul makes it pretty clear that we can acquire all kinds of spiritual gifts and maturity and still be babies.

I think we have to dive into ourselves and know more and more about who we are, but we also must be willing to enter into others' skin...not to fix but to love.

That is how we love well.

Breaking up with your coffee shop

Coffee shops are basically relationships.

You know what it is like to go to a certain coffee shop for quite a while and find, later, another coffee shop you would like to start attending but struggle inside over the decision to change.

You know what it feels like to go BACK to that old coffee shop because you happen to be in the area.  You know the sense of disappointment you get from the barista when they ask you,

"Hey!  Where have you been?  We haven't seen you in a long time."

You know the answer...the true answer.  You know you have fallen in love with another cooler place with much better coffee, cheaper prices and better looks, but you cowardly remark, "Yeah!  I've been real busy lately."

For 6 months?  You've been "busy" for the last 6 months????

Of course not!  You know that you've found a better place to go, but you don't want to say anything there.   You don't want to face the looming sense of cheating you feel deep down.  You know where you have been the last several months, and it hasn't been "busy".

Its also kind of like running into an old girlfriend who you have long forgotten but who is still kind of into you.

You know what I'm talking about in those times you are sipping freshly roasted and brewed coffee while you enjoy fast broadband wireless Internet in your plush, plump chair...the whole time thinking:

"I'm so bad!"

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Lessons of Levi

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Scripture, unlike our attempts at active reflection today, shows Jesus going to Levi at Levi's tax-collecting booth.  Jesus actually went to Levi's place of sin.

Then Jesus asks Levi to follow him.  I do not recall a sinner's prayer or even a Roman's Road.  Perhaps one of Jesus' bonehead disciples had a huge wooden sign that read, "God hates tax collectors!  The kingdom of God is near.  Repent or die!"

But I do not recall that in scripture either.  Anyway!  Jesus calls Levi, and Levi follows very willingly.  Oh!  It doesn't end there.  Going to one tax collector's little booth was not enough.  Jesus goes to have some dinner with Levi and a bunch of other tax collectors.  Jesus sat and hung out with them. I read that he sits with them; eating.

This was not the guys getting together for some food and cards either.  Scripture tells us it was a large crowd of tax collectors.  Jesus went to a huge tax collectors' dinner conference to hang out with them.

Oh, and possibly the most accurate reflection of today's Christian culture in this passage happens outside the "Hyatt Regency by the Sea" were Pharisee picketers with sings and megaphones.  The signs complained, "Why DO YOU eat with tax collectors and sinners?"

Now, let's not overlook something here.  The real thing worth noting is the Pharisees are the ones who first call the tax collectors "sinners".  They are never referred to as sinners until the Pharisees come on the scene. They were quick to place a branding on these people. Jesus goes into the margins of the marginalized and sits with them; the Christian elite sit outside branding tax collectors with titles.

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Random Friday thoughts fo'ya

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What about this?  Maybe we need to read the story of Zacchaeus with the realization that this is a, man who desperately wants to see Jesus.  This is a desperate sinner who longs to see Jesus but can't.  The reason he can't see Jesus is because in the way are all the crowds of Jesus-followers.  These are a lot of people who already see Jesus and perhaps they are blocking out the sinner and despised tax collector.  They don't even notice the incredibly needy sinner just behind them who wants desperately to come to Jesus.  These people likely already knew Jesus was the Messiah.  That's why they followed him, but in the midst of it they left Zacchaeus to the side....the one who desperately needed and even WANTED to see and know Jesus. Isn't it interesting that one thing changed since the time of Jesus in that it used to be the sinners, whores, and drunks that came running to the compassion of Jesus and the Christian elite who hated Christ?  So what has changed now that it is the lost who hate Christ and even the mention of Christ?  What changed?  The compassion of Christ?  I'm leaning on no.

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Kiddie Pools and Oceans

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Why are Christians so terrified of reaching out to the lost?  We were called to be in the world but not of the world and yet we are afraid to actually go out into the world in any way.  We are terrified of non-Christian music, rated R movies and wearing hats in church.  But we are also afraid of bars, 'bad parts of town', credit cards, public schools, and even Santa Claus (He's not the real reason for the season....surprised you didn't know that [in the voice of Chris Farley in Tommy Boy). When we are afraid long enough, we can become utterly indignant about it.  We find ourselves flaring up our chests at Olive Garden to proudly deny the complimentary taste of wine.  "Proud to say I've never touched the stuff," while the waiter thinks to himself, "Okay, fine!  A simple, 'No thank you.' will suffice.....jerk."

I think it is because if you jump in the deep end without knowing how to swim, you will likely drown.  So why not just stay the heck away from the entire pool?  We are afraid of the world because we can't swim.  We are not confident and strong enough in our faith, beliefs, and stances to not be swayed by the thoughts and ways of the lost.  I think we are afraid because we are not strong enough.

On the other hand, I do not think the fact we cannot swim should keep us away from the kiddie pool or maybe, I know its risky, the shallow end where at least the water comes up to our chests.

We have to learn how to swim and we have to begin getting out of our pool and swim the ocean as we are called to do.

But we are terrified of the world for some reason.  I think that reason is because we are too weak to stay strong while being in the world.  Sure, it's risky and it will come with temptation, but how strong am I?  And if I am truly not strong enough yet, then what have I been doing in the church this whole time?  Have I been strengthening myself enough to get out into the world or am I just going to bask in the kiddie pool for the rest of my life?

* We should know where we are especially weak and stay away from dangerous temptations we KNOW we will fail in, but we cannot avoid the entire pool.

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He'll just buy booze with it

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My heart breaks to know many Christians and I have disregarded certain people because they'll buy booze with my change, they got themselves into this lifestyle, or their parents were piss-poor.  It breaks my heart the most to realize I focus more on HOW they got there than the fact they ARE there. I am broken at reading the story of the prodigal son and knowing the father did not withhold compassion because the prodigal chose this life.  I am hurt not to find the prodigal's father within me and my friends; this father who realized only one thing in the moment.  He realized his son needed compassion and love.  YES, his son DID choose this life.  His son DID use the father's money for booze, sex and other disgusting things.  These are all realities, but the father chose to realize only one thing: his son needed compassion, love and relationship.

I am broken at the reading of the prodigal son's brother and finding myself resonating, "Exactly!  He's been there at home serving his Dad faithfully.  And now look!"

I am broken to my lack of compassion, love and relationship with the least of these.

Are these things excuses for these people's current life choices?  No, but I cannot overlook the fact it just may be part of the reason.  Never mind how they got where they are; the fact remains, these people need compassion, love, relationship, and Jesus, and I have all of these to offer.

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Book Review: Father Hunger by Douglas Wilson

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Books about manhood and fatherhood are beginning to pop up everywhere for good reason. Fatherlessness is an epidemic in our culture today. Douglas Wilson addresses this enormous issue with this book. With very heady information, he walks the reader through the original intent for men and fathers. This leads well into a revelation of the ways the culture has drastically neglected those intentions. That neglect has lead us into several saddening realities in our culture as we know it today. 

The title interested me, which is why I accepted the offer to review the book for Booksneeze and Thomas Nelson. As a new father, there as encouragement in the possibility of good information regarding leading a family.

The larger surprises were found in the amount of discussion regarding sexuality, gender roles, masculinity and feminism. It grew to be a bit much at several points along the way.

There were different ways he handled certain topics, which were very enlightening. His connection of modern atheism to the fatherless epidemic is very intriguing. The connection to education is also very clear and easy to recognize.

On the other hand, there were quite a few topics addressed which felt like a great stretch. There are some generalizations that strike me more as an opinion, which smacks of conspiracy theories and “hell in a hand basket” outlooks. Even with the offerings of advice and challenges to step up as fathers, there remains a lack of restoration.

Finishing the book proved more daunting than I had expected.

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Invited but Unwelcome

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The room is full of those people. You know the ones! THOSE people. They are the ones we have learned to hate. They are the ones who look nothing like us physically, morally, spiritually. We do not want to SAY we are better, but... The room is full of them, and there is Jesus just hanging out with them as if He did not see what we all see in them. Why are they all there anyway?

Only a few hours ago, Jesus invited one of them to follow Him. The man did leave all the things that make him one of them to follow Jesus. We will give him that, but then Jesus went to hang out at his house. Now Jesus is with the one who is unwelcome. He invited the man to follow Him, and then went to the man's home.

For the first time ever, here is a holy teacher willing to take one of them under his teaching and care. Here is The Epitome of one of us taking on one of them.

Now the house is full of them.

Of course it is! All these people are crammed into the man's house to follow and hear Jesus. Though the call and invitation was to one, it seems to have drawn all the others.

Which 'sinners' do you like to avoid? Who of them need finally to be invited into your life, your love, and your care? Who of them would be able to tell all the others about you being different from the rest of us who avoided them?

That one invite into your life just may draw many others to Jesus.