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Pastor's Workplace

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I do not work at the church My workplace is more than a framed picture of life

My workplace is mortared in narrative where the story of one connects the stories of each other brick

I do not work at the church My workplace is congregation

A Bandaid on Cancer

Sadly, I have developed a case of spiritual measles. It is spotty and can be difficult to look at if you do not look at the spots where my heart is healthy and entangled with the heart of Jesus. The darker spots are those where I am sick and my heart is not healthy. Soon you realize the spots on the skin are only a symptom of the greater sickness within.

I can do a great amount to care for the spots by making cosmetic fixes so you do not see them, but of course, they still remain under the make-up. What is most disturbing is that I am not concerned with fixing the sickness, but only the cosmetic results of the sickness.

The spots tell you there is a problem; they are not the problem.

While my heart remains sick and grows increasingly so, I am frantically covering and hiding spots that continue to spread because the heart is still so sick.

God is not concerned with cosmetic fixes, because he, unlike us, is not concerned with what other people think of me.

So how is the sickness healed? My heart is only healed of its sickness with more contact with the one who heals the heart. Only that constant and continual contact will heal the sick heart.

But this only happens as I quit trying to cover up cosmetic symptoms of an internal sickness. It only happens when I quit putting a bandaid on cancer.

Also, it only happens when I let go of my stubbornness enough to actually go to the One who can heal my sick heart. I have to quit pretending 'it ain't that bad'. I have to quit trying to fix, myself, something I simply cannot fix.

My sick heart will only heal with humble contact with the healer.

Besides, if the greater sickness is healed, so also will be the cosmetic spots I work so hard to cover and hide.

Beggars ask

I do not ask God for things. The very reason I do not ask is the reason he commands us to do so. Jesus tells us to ask, and we will receive. That word really has a closer context to the word "beg". Beg and you will receive. The reason I do not ask God for anything is highlighted by true context of the word in begging.

I do not ask anyone for much of anything, and I have always thought it was a humble reasoning. I refuse to make God into my cosmic Santa Claus, and I don't want to impose even the smallest thing on anyone.

Sounds and even feels a bit humble, but I think the true reason under it all is not so noble.

I do not ask for things because I do not like being dependent on anyone else.

I do not want to be a beggar at any level; no matter how small. The very act of asking is an admittance of insufficiency, and I do no like asking people for anything. I don't ask God for anything because, truthfully, I don't want to be so insufficient that I need to ask or beg for anything.

God commands us to ask because he knows it is so against our nature, and we need to be dependent on Him.

We are all beggars in need Only some of us swallow our pride enough to beg.

Archived Moment

I found this old journal entry today, and I love what it is doing to me NOW...years later. ----------

I waited and tried to listen.  Frustrated with the silence and no answer, I went to the restroom and back to bed.  Then just before I fell asleep, I lay there with eyes wide open when I heard the still small voice in my heart:

"PC, I am not a genie.  I am your God, and I love you.  If you want strength, I am not just going to GIVE you strength.  It will start to get really difficult now.  Will you be strong in those times or not.  I am not a genie; I am your God who loves you."

Remembrance of God is Forgetting of Self

There is an Islamic saying which goes, "Remembrance of God is the forgetting of self."  I like that! Now, before you sound my heresy from the rooftops, let's really break that phrase down.  Could that statement still be true for a Christian standpoint, though it may be an Islamic saying?  It's not even Islamic doctrine; it is only a saying.  

Islam says this to mean that repeating the name of "Allah" (the God) is the best way you can combat selfishness, and direct attention to God.  It is more a ritual of the mystical Muslims (Sufis), but there is a dimension of this which would serve Christians well to pay closer attention to.  It is a call to remembering God more throughout the day.

I am an incredibly selfish man, and I could learn a lot from the phrase, "Remembrance of God is the forgetting of self."

Might God's answer to my frequent prayer, "How do I become less selfish?" just be, "PC, remember me."

I am greatly connected to this phrase today.  I wonder if it is possible to remember God more throughout my day.  I wonder if the name of Abba could be on my lips more throughout the day.  I DO believe the name of Jesus is more powerful than we often remember.  I wonder if I could be more mindful throughout the day to say the name of 'Jesus' or 'Abba' or 'God'...and in so doing, forget myself, if even for only a moment.

One moment focused on Daddy is far better than years focused on myself.

So I will go about remembering God that I may forget myself.  The name of Abba will be on my lips more often.

This shows how wonderful a daily discipline of saying the name(s) of God throughout the day makes us forget ourselves for a moment.  All I know for sure is that even just sitting here in the coffee shop, saying the name of Abba gives me even just a second of pleasure to know, for that one second, I was focused on God and not myself.

It does a selfish man's heart very good.

Uncertain Faith

"Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life." - Ozzie Chambers We are certain of God: we are uncertain of what will happen next.  There is much to be said of faith and the spiritual life as it applies to certainty.  We are so obsessed with certainty.  Is it really all that necessary?  Well, its not if you are living a life of faith...the spiritual life.  The spiritual life is not one of certainty.  We are so obsessed with it though.  The moments I am so uncertain of what would happen next are the moments my faith is stretched and made stronger.  When you stretch your muscles they grow.  They do not necessarily grow stronger and bigger, but they do grow more flexible, which allows them the ability to grow stronger in time.  

So here I am a man in need of flexibility.  I am a man in need of faith...because I am certainly uncertain.  These are now the times I am becoming more flexible, and that flexibility makes strength more available.  That ability ultimately leads to strength.

Assurance Control

"It Is Well With My Soul" has stricken me today, and I hope I can digest it further.  One particular phrase sticks out: "Let this blest assurance control."  Singing the song in its entirety, you may be able to boost your spirit a bit upon hearing the words, but when I write the entire song out, this phrase jumps off the page demanding my attention. It comes right after the phrase, "Though Satan should buffet, tho' trials should come..."  The challenge comes when you read, "Let this blest assurance control."  This phrase requires our action.  I really need to learn how to LET this assurance of God's goodness and provision to control my thought and spirit.  Easier said than done a lot of the times, but today I am begging for it it.  I beg that God would let this assurance control my thoughts and heart.  I beg my soul to LET this assurance control things.  I hope to be controlled by God's blest assurance rather than my worry, my fears, my self-consciousness.  I beg my soul within me to be controlled by God's blessed assurance.