A Hypocrites Precursor

precursor

What you read on these pages will not always reflect perfectly my life’s actions.  Thus the struggle of living out the way we wish we could.  Thus the fight to do what we want to do instead of doing what we do not want to do, and what we do not want to do…this we do.

I am a writer.  This means I love to write.  This means I express well through written (typed) word.  But I am also a daily-broken human being with imperfect feelings, hurts, pains, angers and frustrations.  I resound the words of Phillip Yancey, “I soon discover that I write about spiritual disciplines far better than I practice them.”  The concepts I write about, valid as they may be, are nevertheless hard to live.  Does this mean I do not WANT to live them?  Of course not, but I suck at it.  The reason righteousness is so hard is simply because I suck at it.

This challenges my comment toward pastors, teachers and Christians, “Practice what you preach.”  Who am I to say they are not trying to practice what they preach, but like me, remain children of an Abba who understands they are humans who cannot wish themselves into perfect and righteous action.  They who struggle to do what they wish they would, but it does not and should not take away from their exhausting desire to fight for righteousness and holiness and unconditional love received and given.

My evangelistic fame

Have you ever spoken a word of the gospel to anyone at my workplace?

In my imagination, I see an interview about my evangelistic fame. I REALLY saw my past coworkers respond, “Huh?  PC? Famous for WHAT?  Well, I don’t know….PC was a great guy.  I mean I knew he was a Christian, but he didn’t come in here preaching or anything.  He was pretty cool about it.  He knew I was an alcoholic, and he still laughed with me.”  “You know,” says another, “now that I think about it; I can remember times when the store was crazy, and PC kept working hard to help where he didn’t really HAVE to.  I don’t know how many times he helped us in a bind.  I never noticed it then, but in retrospect, that guy really did work hard.”  “Yeah,” chimes another.  “He knew my husband was killed in a car accident last year, which left me to raise 2 teenagers alone, and PC listened to me every time I was stressed by kids, pained over my loss of companion, or just tired of work.  You know what?  I really think he cared about what I was going through, and I think he shared the joy somehow.”  Similar stories go around in this hypothetical interview of my coworkers.  Then the journalist goes to the coffee shop I ALWAYS go to.  He talks to ALL my friends and family…Christian and NON-Christian.

After its over the imaginary article reads, “PC Walker was an evangelist.  PC writes in his book, “Christians are so devoted to speaking the gospel (God’s love) to or at people instead of living the gospel toward people.” (pg. random #, see footnote).  His living out of the gospel reached more people than all the sermons he ever preached, more than any book he has ever written.”

I hope that, in reality, I will be remembered by everyone I will have moved on and left in my past as a man who lived the gospel better than he preached or wrote it…..

What do you want from me?

whatdoyouwant

How often I’ve asked and heard this question asked? In its various forms, the question is our heart’s scream to know what or what more God wants from us?

More and more, I believe the answer comes down to one thing.

Jesus replies, “Love the LORD your God with all of your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. This is the greatest commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38)

As I am daily ambushed by God’s outrageous love for me, I am more and more convinced that seeking God’s will for my life is the wrong search. But I should search for His will in my life, and His will is the same as it has always been.

He wants you to love Him with all that you are. Your experiencing God depends on you having a sincere and real relationship of love. I am more and more convinced that this is more important than any.thing.else in your life.

Every decision, big or small, everything in your Christian life, everything about knowing God and knowing His will is fully dependent on the intimacy of your love relationship with God.

If this lynchpin is not in place, nothing…nothing in your life will be right.

Random prayer of grace

“I am your child.  I quit trying to MAKE myself presentable to you and instead trust that I AM presentable to you despite all of the things that are just parts of a sinful nature around me.  I move on in that passage and believe, ‘if I confess my sin, you are faithful and just and will purify me and forgive me’ because again, you only see your child here, and I need not be plagued by sin OR guilt.  I mean is not guilt the actual issue here?  Not sin.  I mean sin is just inevitable, but what IS of choice by me is whether I will allow guilt to plague me and keep me from seeing myself as your child instead of seeing myself as this horrible person.  You’re so much quicker to forgive me than I am to forgive myself.

When a hero dies

Last night, my hero passed away. Brennan Manning has had the strongest impact on my bedraggled heart. Sitting with him twice over hot dogs will be moments my heart will not easily forget. But far more important than hot dogs and baseball are his reflections on the outrageous love of God in all His grace and mercy that have wrecked my heart for good since 1999.

My hero finally rests in Abba’s embrace for his Father was very fond of him.

Abusing grace

grace

The question of just about any presentation of grace is the same Paul rhetorically poses, “So then should I just sin so that grace may increase? Of course not.” So what is the answer to anyone who DOES sin so that their grace may increase? What about those who will say, “I have a reason and excuse to sin. I can sin because PC said God doesn’t care what I’ve done. God will love me.” That picture is again the outstanding picture of grace that is my marriage.

I vowed to love Tonya and cherish her as a gift of God. I would be naïve to say I will always do these things without tripping up. There WILL be times I will not honor Tonya perfectly. There will be times I will not cherish her and hold her in the regard she should be held. There will be times she does not receive love from me as she needs and desires.

Now will she give up on me and divorce me? No! She will go on loving me even though I have hurt her. But that is not the deepest cut. The deepest cut comes from the fact that I will have broken an eternal covenant we set in place through spoken vows. Each time I do not love, honor and cherish her, I break a covenant. She still loves me anyway. I DON’T DESERVE THAT!!!

Now imagine you are good friends with Tonya or some other wife, and she comes continuously to you about her husband. Suppose she tells you how many times he has emotionally wrecked her with absolutely no regard. Suppose she tells you how many times he unabashedly destroys the promises he made to her. Suppose you knew these things. Are you inclined to say, “Well Tonya! That’s great! Now your grace may increase to him?”

I am compelled to realize how much grace Tonya really does show me. How much of an idiot I would be if I paid no mind of her grace and continually abused it! Sure she may always forgive me and love me, but in the end I’d only be abusive.

I see how much she forgives me and loves me despite my broken promises and I desire even more to love and serve her.

Such is God’s grace! Do I just abuse it or does his grace drive me to a realization of my disregard?

The Worst

worst

I, for one, would really like to thank you for being the worst sinner, because for a long time there, I thought I was the worst sinner.  Wait!  Nope, I’m still the worst sinner.  You’re welcomed to second place if you would like, but I am still the worst sinner.  Thank you very much.

I am not as bad as you think I am; I am much worse.[Tweet That]

1 Timothy 1:15-16 tells me that I am still the worst of sinners SO THAT MERCY MAY BE SHOWN TO OTHERS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST.”  People quote that thing and forget it is only possible if you realize you are a sinner who actually NEEDS mercy…you don’t DESERVE mercy…you NEED mercy.