Tag Archives: father

When we and my daughters are in the way

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helps

I was installing floating shelves in the bathroom
the sight of daddy’s tools draws my daughter
“I want to help, Dadda!”
By this, she means, “I want to see what you are doing,
and be where you are.”
She began to take tools away from my work space
She picked up necessary screws and hardware

She is not helping.
She was in my way.
But my love would not turn her away

Jesus said, “My Father is always at work…the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do ONLY what he sees His Father doing…For the Father loves the Son and shows him all He does.” (John 15:17, 19-20)

My God, I know you are at work around me all the time.
While I realize I am only going to slow you down
and get in your way
I trust that you love me and purposely
show me what you are doing.
I want to join you.
I want to be a part of what you are doing
and be where you are.

Why my 2 year old needs makeup

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makeup

I was washing dishes, and Bryleigh came into the kitchen saying, “I’m putting on make up, Dadda, to be pretty.” I asked, “What?” in that way fathers do when they know exactly what they said.

“I’m still putting on make up. I’m not pretty yet, Dadda.”

There are moments as a father, which are weightier than others, and you have to be present enough to catch. This is one of those moments.

I realize my daughter has dug into her mother’s makeup bag because it is fun to do what mom does, but her statement struck my heart in a way I would not pass over. This was an opportunity.

“You do not need makeup to be pretty, Bryleigh. You are so pretty.”

That was not hard to say nor did it take but a few moments of being present enough to seize. My 2 year old playfully saying, “I’m still putting on make up. I’m not pretty yet, Dadda” was an opportunity to be a Dad before there is an emotional belief behind that statement.

I am not against my daughter putting on make up (later), but I am vehemently against my daughter ever believing she needs makeup to be pretty.

Gone forever: challenge to pastors and ministry leaders

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gone

Upon reflecting on any regrets he had, Billy Graham said, “Every day I was absent from my family is gone forever.”

While we realize physical absence certainly has an affect, I am thinking today of the realities of emotional absence. As a pastor and leader, you are expected to be on-call and at the ready at all times. You are to be fully available for everyone at all times, and we too often justify this as “the life of ministry”.

Pastors, ministry leaders, those days you are absent (both physically and emotionally) are gone forever. [TWEET THAT]

Look at the ministry you have and realize that everything you do can be done or shared by someone else. Only you can be husband to your wife (or wife to your husband). Only you can be mom or dad to your kids.

I am trying to challenge myself to lose less and less days forever.

PRETEND: for my daughter

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Dear Bryleigh,

Begin pretending now.

Pretend the world needs you
though it does not revolve around you

Pretend rest for the restless
resounds in relationship with you

Pretend you have the secret
which is salve for the serrated heart

Pretend within you wells wisdom
that is the antithesis of arrogance

Pretend you are capable of a compassion
reserved for fairy tales and far-off lands

Pretend your hands can heal
the heart of the untouchable

Pretend you are different from those
who look just like you who
hate those who don’t look
just like you

Pretend that a disgusting world
which wants to be wonderful
depends on your touch
your voice
your love

Pretend as though pretending enough
can produce a reality
others can only pretend.

Love Dad.

A Past Glimpse Into the Future

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Dad pulled out several old albums for me to flip through.

“If you’d like to have any of those old photos, you can take them home with you.”

“I’m not that much of a picture freak, ” I said as I hurriedly flipped through the albums.

“Oh! I don’t know. Maybe you wanted to take them to show Tonya, or just to have some pictures of you as a baby to show your kids or just to compare what you looked like as a baby to what you baby looks like.”

I stopped flipping so fast…
Turned back to the beginning of the album…
and started again.

I was so young. It seemed so long ago. My hair was still bleach blond, almost white, and I vaguely remember any of the moments I was seeing in those photos.

My dad was so young when I was born. I am 30 years old expecting our first child in September.

What must my dad have been thinking when I was born?
When I was a child…

Was he as terrified as I am right now?
Terrified of “messing it up”…
Terrified of….

The photos wouldn’t suggest too much, but you still have to wonder.

And I did…

I see how young he was, and I have to think that I should be some degree less worried or frightened than he had to have been.

I also see a pride and excitement in those photos that I look forward to.

I see a cluster of years growing up that I look forward to providing to my son or daughter.

I saw smiles and stories I cannot wait to create for my child.

I saw a hope and an excitement that shadows any fear of becoming a father.

Even if only for tonight…

Identity Theft

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A warning to all people who know me: my identity has been stolen.  Be careful when you see “PC” because you need to determine who you are actually talking to.

My identity has been stolen by an impostor, and the impostor is well-liked and very crafty.  He will do all that he can to make you believe he is the real PC, but not be fooled.  The impostor looks a lot like me, but he acts and reacts differently than I do.  So be on the look out for a guy who looks just like me but may act or react in any variety of the following ways.

-  has no opinions of his own; simply conforms
- acts “okay” when things are not okay
- lacks emotional honesty
- is over-anxious to impress you when he doesn’t have to
- seems obsessed with getting your affirmation
- will not tell you how he fells about…anything
- acts better than he really is (to impress you)
- speaks very little about his faults or struggles
- demands to be noticed
- will draw identity from achievement
- avoids feeling
- overly-passive
- not creative (lacks creativity that I have)
- intimidated

He may surface from time to time from hiding.  If you notice this man, please report him to the proper authority.  If you should come into contact with the impostor, please contact his Father (whose name is Abba) and be gentle and loving.  He is harmless to most everyone but his true self, me.

Has your identity been stolen by an imposter? What should I keep an eye out for?

Love Thru Accusation: facing my Dr Phil fear

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“I’m gonna sacrifice everything to raise this child who will one day hate me,” said one of my pregnant friends in a joking manner.

But what was only a small joke I happened to overhear last weekend has, at one time and every once in a while again, been a legit fear of mine.

There have been a series of fears I have had to expose, face, and overcome to even imagine the possibility of being a father some day; one of them being the image of my offspring several years from now pulling me on to an episode of Dr. Phil to reveal all the flaws in my parenting when I thought I was on a “Father’s Day Father of the Year” episode.

In the age of Celebrity Rehab and Intervention we know how to blame our parents for all of our issues. Granted, I am fully aware of the valid disorders and addictive personalities which take root in our upbringing. I am not discounting those realities.

I mean to shed light on how easy it has become to blame our parents for things which are our own shortcomings, but what’s worse, we can blame our parents for our own disobedience and poor choices.

This is what drives my Dr. Phil fear.

I am afraid I will try my best to love the hell out of my son or daughter; to raise them with love, grace, discipline, and love only to be blamed, hated, and despised by this person I sacrificed so much for.

Today, I am reminded of a Father who sacrificed so much to love me and show me grace and discipline. I am reminded of the relentless love He has shown me when I have disobeyed, blamed, and hated him.

I am reminded of how frequently I have assumed he does not love me if he disciplines the way he does or withholds things I think I want or deserve. I am reminded of how frequently I have been angry with him and still found that he has loved me through my accusations.

So when my child grows up to hate me, I hope to be reminded of this sort of love that has been given to me.

—————

LISTENING TO: “The Old Prince” by Shad