Tag Archives: confidence

I am a spy, but so are you

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I found this old journal entry, and identified with it a lot today:

I am at a point right now where I feel like the 12 spies in Numbers chapter 13 and 14. I am looking ahead at possibilities and new places of ministry and living. I am determining what response I will have as I look ahead into those lands of possibility.

Like all of the spies together, I look ahead and I can see the good things. I can see the milk and honey; I can see the fruit in the land of future opportunity. I can see myself in these positions and opportunities with my enlivened passions and gifts. I can see the fruits.

BUT…

Also like the spies, I can see the parts I would not be strong in. I can see the giants and the possible defeat. I can see the areas I would not excel in, and I begin to wonder whether or not I would really be destined for this land of opportunity.

So I arrive at an inner-decision. I am one of the 12 spies at this point, but the question becomes which will I be?

Will I sit and sulk and say, “I don’t know about this; I am not strong in this area or that.” Will I stay back and say, “If I go after this, my weaknesses will get the best of me.”

OR…

Will I be Caleb or Joshua the spy and say, “This land of opportunity is exceedingly good. If God is pleased with me he will lead me along and give to me what I need. Do not be afraid of the giants of your weaknesses because with God, I will swallow them up.”

Will I know, then, the blessing of God onto Caleb?

“But because my servant has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to.”

Will I be confident or cowardly!

—-

* This was written not long before I came to First Covenant

My Inept Ministry Degree

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Undergrad Graduation Day
Many pastors and ministers to be are thrilled to “go unto the world and preach the gospel”. Chalk full of theology, exegesis, and confidence, and we are ready to reach the world for Jesus Christ.

Year Following Graduation
Work the backroom at American Eagle or make lattes for Starbucks while you apply for grad school or seminary.

Graduate School/Seminary Graduation
The joke that theologians are just people answering questions nobody is asking is not funny. More and more confidence abounds to will-be-pastors and ministers.

I was ready and prepared to do ministry now. I am pretty solid on where I stand doctrinally, theologically, and most importantly, I know where I fall on the T.U.L.I.P. scale.

First Month of Pastoral Ministry
I have no idea what to tell a student who comes to me fearing she may have contracted AIDS while doing missions work in Africa.

Where was THAT class?

Second Month of Pastoral Ministry
Random jibberish terms like: ministry budget, proposed budget, faith budget, overdrawn, fleeting resources, income not meeting spending, church mortgage, pay roll, etc.

“It was my understanding there would be no math.”

Third Month of Pastoral Ministry
A call is made of an elderly man in the ICU who is not expected to live through the weekend. All he wants is to speak to a pastor.

You’re a pastor! Your nicely framed diploma says so.

It turns out a man who has owned more cars than years you’ve been alive does not want to hear much from a young ministry graduate as he’s preparing to meet Jesus face to face.

He asks nothing about total depravity. Too bad, I was prepared for that question.

Fourth Month of Pastoral Ministry
Another homeless addict has made his way through the doors wanting to speak to a pastor. Maybe he’s in dire need! Maybe he’s manipulating you for things he does not need that you do not have.

I don’t remember learning about this anywhere.

Fifth Month of Pastoral Ministry
The congregation is already a bit upset with changes you have made when God continues to inspire you to new things. One person wants to talk about it WITH YOU (if you’re lucky).

Conflict!

And it is not conflict about whether baptism should be sprinkle or immersion.

Conflict = YOU! You are the problem…always!

Where was my class about that?

Sixth Month of Pastoral Ministry
Start to wonder if your pastoral ministry degree and classes really gave you everything needed to be a pastor.